Winter House
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But a real party isnt like that.
Its moments unconnected by time or context.
Youre hanging out with friends of friends outside of your usual crew and possibly meeting new people.
At the end, youre not left with a story; youre left with a vibe.
Its not one picture; its a million little snapshots that turn into a mosaic.
Thats what were getting in this episode.
Look over here; theres Kyle and Brian peeing off the deck.
In the kitchen, Malia is having a gay-baiting kiss with a woman named Hannah.
She responds, Oh, fuck.
Meanwhile, as all of this is happening, Alex and Danielle are bumping uglies downstairs, ignoring everyone.
Ugh, Alex and Danielle.
The party is a retread of what we had to deal with last time Danielle got drunk.
She doesnt like Alex flirting with other women, but he doesnt really mean anything by it.
Alright, I saw them rolling around in the bed, but was there something that I missed?
Was there some P in the V action that was edited out?
Also, Alex was just talking to these women and being polite when they were throwing themselves at him.
I didnt see him do anything out of line.
The most telling scene is when the women are in a room with Tom Schwartz.
Danielle is telling people that Alex is upstairs trying to have sex with people.
I dont think hes trying to have sex with anyone, Tom says.
Then Malia says Alex cant have sex with Danielle and then immediately go and hit on other people.
Hes not hitting on them; hes just talking to people, Tom says.
The disconnect is that these women are reading too much into it.
They should listen to the guy.
Listen to the dude.
Know there is nothing to it.
Theyre all reading way too much into it.
It gets even worse when she and Alex are finally behind closed doors.
You made me sad today, she tells him.
Why do you do those things?
Do you like me?
Do you hate me?
I like you a lot, and I think youre awesome.
She wakes up in the morning and laughs it off, as we do so much drunken behavior.
I was cursing the day you were born.
(Youre going to tell me Antarctica is a continent, but the North Pole isnt?
That doesnt make any sense and is frankly Mrs. Claus erasure.)
But theres really nothing either of them can do at this point.
They just need to ride out their imperfect relationship until filming ends and never talk to each other again.
The other story were following is what is happening with Tom Schwartz and Katie Flood.
Schwartzie is reminding me so much of what it was like being a smart kid in public school.
Thats like Tom and being mad that Katie has the same name as his ex-wife.
After hearing about it for what feels like months now he is finally like, Know what?
Its not a big deal.
He could have been making out all of this time.
Its a whole bathroom.
There wasnt room for one extra article of clothing that wasnt on a body?
Or maybe she was trying to put it on the door handle as a signal and failed?
Theyre making out in there for privacy, but now we all know that Katie had her boobs out.
Then Malia hears them making out and asks, Katie, can I get my contact case?
No, sister, you’re free to not.
Just throw your contacts in a half-empty bottle of Loverboy; I promise theyll be fine in the morning.
She opens the door, and Schwartz immediately says, Im pooping.
We know thats a lie, but how does his mind go there first?
When Aesha says she has to wee, he says theyre covering up.
How naked were they?
They say in confessional they kept it PG-13, but what did he have to cover up?
Weve all seen his belly.
Then Katie lobs a passive-aggressive, We were just trying to have sex, but were good.
Are you going to let Aesha pee or not, you heathens?
Its a little anti-climatic and mostly what we get is a recap of a party the day before.
These poor producers are driving these poor kids into the ground.
Kory takes everyone to flag football, and there are really only two highlights.
The first is my girl Casey, who decides she wants to sunbathe instead.
Im going to ref … with my eyes closed, Casey tells the group.
I have never identified with a sports-hating person more in my entire life.
She doesnt think he can deal with it.
