Winter House
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Finally, I thought.Sam is showing up and Schwartz is returning.
We wont spend a whole hour dissecting the cratering relationship between Danielle and Alex.
Well, little brain, I hate to tell you.
Youre still going to have to spend an entire 43 minutes without commercials watching Bravos most cursed couple.
and Danielle asking, Does Alex like me?
I mean, these two better get their assignments done because I think theyre already late for homeroom.
I feel like Jordan was this seasons secret weapon and she should not be secret.
She should just be a weapon.
You mean she could have been this bitch all season?
Look at what she says when Sam arrives: I was definitely gunning for your man at one point.
Give Jordan a Peabody and more prominence next year, just.
They all go to bed at 4:30 a.m. after raging in the living room and playing intergalactic beer pong.
It may be too late, Danielle.
In the morning, Alex is missing his partner.
No, not Danielle.
His real love, Tom Schwartz.
Alex prepares for his lovers return by not only making his bed but also washing his sheets.
Now this is the kind of romance Im here for, people.
Alex was with the wrong person the whole time.
Sam also turns up to the house in a yellow parka and matching yellow earmuffs.
Kyle says she looks like a bumblebee.
I think she looks likeBumblebee the Transformer.
Malia and Kory keep roughhousing, pushing each other into snowbanks, wrestling, and throwing snowballs.
You know, usual boy-girl behavior.
Someone posted a sighting of Kory and Malia, and it said they were vibing hard-core.
The internet is, in fact, built on lies.
Half of the things in this recap, including my last name, arent even real.
How do you believe any of it?
I guess its the combination of the two, though.
Deux Moi is like Nostradamus if he followed the Shade Room.
Well, Sam did say that it looked desperate, which isnt really shrugging it off.
But was that Danielle trying to do a friend a solid or Danielle trying to make a mess?
But now its gotta be mess, right?
Speaking of which, Alex pulls Danielle for a chat and asks where shes at.
He tells her that he didnt think there would be so much emotion.
Has he talked to a human woman in his entire life?
I mean, he did a whole season with Gary onBelow Deck Sailing Yacht.
Did you not see all the emotions he has to deal with only having one-night stands?
Hes trying to school her on what its like to bone and not care about people.
He says its not and adds, Youre almost ten years older than me.
I cant teach you anything.
At Amandas insistence, Kyle pulls Danielle aside to ask her how shes doing.
Happy to finally get there, crew.
At dinner, everyone is having roast beef, but theyre also roasting everyone else in the house.
The jokes are terrible.
The two venture to talk after dinner, but the damage is done.
Malia says that Sam came in way too hot for someone who didnt know her.
Malia also shares that the girls thought he was fair game because he was downplaying his relationship.
I probably wouldnt be, Malia says.
Thats just not my style.
But I respect you guys.
No, she sure doesnt.
