Vanderpump Rules
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Even better than the gut-wrenchingTom and Shiv savageryin this season ofSuccession.
It was handled perfectly.
There is no music, no sound effects, no intrusive editing.
Here they didnt need to.
They just lay back and let this unfold like an episode ofCouples Therapy.
Throughout the whole discussion, Ariana gives this man no mercy.
He says he lost his mojo, and she says, So fuck my friend.
Get your mojo back, fuck my friend.
He says that he couldnt get an apology out of Ariana in the last few months.
She says, The last few months, you were already fucking my friend.
He tells her about how he and Raquel had a deep connection.
She says, Dont you fucking talk to me about your deep connection.
He says that hes seeing her tomorrow.
She says, Are you going to kiss and hug and talk about your deep connection?
He says he doesnt know.
She says, Why couldnt you just say no.
You are worth nothing, and I want you to feel that deep in your soul.
I regret ever loving you.
The whole thing is perfect, and this man is getting everything he deserves.
Arianas grieving is also perfect, though we never wanted to see her in this position.
Well get back to Sandoval in a minute, but lets talk about everyone elses reactions to the scandal.
The one scene of the episode I really didnt love was their call to Raquel.
His stinky 40-year-old cock.
Well, I guess its progress when the first insult James goes for isnt that hes fat.
Yes, Raquel did a reprehensible thing, but why not reserve all this hatred and taunting for Sandoval?
I felt the same way about Lisa.
No, this is not Raquels fault.
Well, its notonlyRaquels fault.
Its not because shes gorgeous or likes to have sex.
However, I did love that she offered Ariana a place to live.
Can you imagine if Ariana moved into Villa Rosa, a Sweetgreen flagship store that only sells miniature ponies?
Where is that sitcom?
Too bad there is a writers strike on, or Id be scripting it right this minute.
Toms visit is very different.
Ugh, his unmoving forehead and his white fingernails while he cries.
Well, at least not as long as shes making money off of him in various and sundry ways.
The MVPs of the reactions to go Scheana and Katie, opposite sides of the same Alta Beauty compact.
She says that she shoved Raquel hard but didnt punch her.
Hello, this is science and is admissible in any court of law.
That is why therestraining order got dropped.
That Scheana gets the final scene of the episode is also perfect.
I dont know where we go from here, she says.
Were obviously not friends anymore because I cant support anything youve done anymore.
And Im really going to miss you.
Right now, you dont deserve any friends, and I cant get behind any of this.
That was his last chance at an ally, and he blew it.
But the worst was tonight.
The only thing as selfish as what Sandoval did was how Schwartz reacted to it.
Come on, Schwartz.
She seems to have little remorse for what she did, just that shes so isolated.
Well, no duh!
Everyone who liked her (um, Scheana paid for her apartment???!!!)
she just totally screwed over for Sandovals cocky cock.
(Ugh, maybe James was right to be so cruel.)
Its still hard to get a read on her or what she really thinks about all of this.
I have a feeling that well be talking about her next week in the recap of the reunion.
(Yes, thats right.
I petitioned Daddy Moneybags Vulture, the owner of this website.
He has allowed us to keep theVanderpump Ruleswing of the Real Housewives Institute open for another three weeks.)
What really galled me, even more than I thought he could, was Tom Sandoval.
Its something I normally would have deleted.
Excuse me, normally would have deleted [insert every exclamation point ever made].
It should not exist.
She says that, at the moment, you think it is situational.
You think that a specific set of circumstances lead you to this point, so you make some compromises.
Then we find out that, as he says, Ariana always knew the truth about that.
So is it Billie?
Yes, these are not circumstance; these are personality traits.
