The Ultimatum: Queer Love
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The format is weird!
A delight in comparison.
Because at the end of the day, its still people who choose to be on a reality show.
Competed to be on it, one might say.
The premise of this show is that one partner has issued a marry me or we break up ultimatum.
Do you know what starts a marriage on the best track?
Beginning it with a threat!
Our five couples areYolyandMal, both in their mid-30s.
Yoly gave the ultimatum.LexiandRae, both in their 20s.
Lexi gave the ultimatum.MildredandTiff early 30s.
Sam gave the ultimatum.XanderandVanessa, both 30, and Xan gave the ultimatum.
I get you, Mal!!
Yoly and Mal are the we need to save more money first couple.
Lexi and Rae are young, but Lexi seems very mature.
Rae is not positive shes ready to be married, which is very fair for 27.
Sam and Aussie are very cute and into each other, but Aussie gets anxious even thinking about marriage.
Xan and Vanessa met as high-school seniors when their boyfriends were best friends (classic).
Vanessa doesnt want permanence and stability, she wants freedom, but Xan wants marriage and children.
Sounds immediately irreconcilable, Xan!
Spoiler: I cannot stand Vanessa, for she is a chaotic person.
After the couples meet each other, our host, JoAnna Garcia Swisher, shows up.
Im going to say somethingcontroversial yet brave: I like her.
Did I know who she was before this show?
Its immediately addressed that, no, she is not queer.
No one has any further questions.
She seems nice, and shes not Vanessa and Nick Lachey.
The bar is low for romantically focused Netflix reality shows with bizarre formats.
(Lexi calls Vanessa Voldemort.
At dinner, Vanessa says it would be best if this experience became a polyamorous orgy.
That is a very normal thing to say.
Aussie goes on some dates with Mildred and tells her that now Aussiedoeswant to get married.
Mildred is very psyched about being part of Aussies journey for this.
Mildred, doesnt this seem like a suspiciously fast turnaround??
And maybe Aussie just caves to peer pressure?Orsomething else is going on?
Mildred does not think of this and remains psyched.
As in: Vanessa gives birth to a baby, and the baby is only Vanessas and not Xans.
Wow, that is a super-fucked-up opinion, Vanessa!
Unless, again, there are extenuating contextual factors to what shes saying.
But what reality show would ever present things out of context?
After a bunch of dating, they choose partners.
My personal top picks at this point are Lexi, Mal, and Yoly.
Mm, so gay.
The pairings are as follows:XanderandYolychoose each other!
Mal tells Lexi shes a phenomenal person shes smart and brilliantly funny.
Once again, I love queer women (and Aussie and Tiff!).
Speaking of,AussieandMildredchoose each other, thenSamandTifffinish off the round.
The only couples who have straight-up partner-swapped are the last two.
And we start the trial marriages!
Xan and Yoly vibe right away.
They are into it.
And Yoly has aFrench bulldog.
What is okay to do?
What is not okay?
What are the ground rules here?
And it makes meuncomfortable.
Lexi and Mal are vibing, but I cant tell yet if its, like, sexy-time vibing.
They seem like very close roommates.
A;though these couples all say I love you to this person theyve known for a week.
Did they all spend atonof time together that we didnt see?
Aussie very much hates confrontation and shuts down when Mildred brings these things up.
Lol, no, the show doesnt have this.
The two must just stew in their conflict.
People are living with their people again!
And thank God, because I need to see these queer people in their original environments.
Im fine not seeing her again.
