The Traitors
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Watching Parvati commit murder is one of my favorite half-minutes of television in recent memory.
Sweet, sweet sacrificial lamb.
Cheers, says Parvati, a true master of timing, and hands her the cup.
Ekin-Su takes a fateful sip.
Then, without hesitation, she hugs Parvati.
I love you, Ekin-Su says.
They dont have the slightest idea who got murdered if anyone got murdered at all!
Parvati and her bowtie cheerfully bound into the room next.
She explains her Ekin-Su Hail Mary to Phaedras displeasure.
The other players begin to file in including Ekin-Su, who looks very not dead.
Not undead, just … not dead.
Dans eyebrows flap like theyre trying to achieve liftoff.
Did the poison … not work?
Or is Ekin-Su, as Phaedra puts it, the second coming of Jesus Christ?
The traitors werent counting on this reveal.
The players do their best to compare notes about who couldve consumed anything suspicious the day before.
(Sounds familiar!)
All her blathering about fuck the traitors!
could be a tell.
Meanwhile, trouble is brewing in turret paradise.
You know what I mean?
She most certainly does.
Specifically, Ekin-Sus funeral, though they dont know that just yet.
The rest proceed somberly on foot.
Next stop: death, Alan stage-whispers to the camera.
And is it … navy blue?).
I only wish we had more airtime reserved for actual mortician Phaedra Parks to critique the proceedings professionally.
(Spinoff reality pitch for Peacock:Four Weddings, but itsFour Funerals.)
He and (actual) birth-year buddy Dan are safe.
A black-clad, veil-wearing choir warbles the next question: Which two people did Johnny Bananas trust the most?
Trishelle and CT step forward.
Ekin-Su continues to attract side-eye through her apparent overacting, wailing about how they poisoned me, innit?!
(bigoy, mista!
you me dad?energy here) and clutching her throat.
The third question eliminates all those who wore red in the scarecrow mission.
The remaining contestants are instructed to climb inside three open coffins.
If we can haveThe Golden Bachelor, surely we deserveThe Goth Bachelor, too.)
But then Alan calls Ekin-Sus name, abruptly slamming the lid onhercoffin.
The players reactions are wild.
Hands are thrown over mouths.
Peter shouts that MJs a traitor.
straight-up wails like a professional mourner.
Bro, a stunned MJ mutters.
Dan is pleased that the murder has caused so much confusion.
Tonight, shes gunning for CT.
It was weird, Janelle says.
Larsa, who has the debate skills of an overstimulated second grader, snaps back: I thinkyoureweird!
I think how selfish you are is weird!
No worries, Larsa says, pausing for dramatic effect, … when you get murdered next week.
In general, the voting chalkboards make for some great prop comedy tonight.
Kevin reveals his board (Lars) upside down.
And do my eyes deceive me or did Phaedra writeKelvininstead ofKevin?
Phaedra cocks her head.
Dont come for the Housewives, honey, she says, sharp and ice-cold.
No one likes you, Parvati.
Everyone says youre a fucking traitor.
We can be in this game together, but youre going to play fair.
And if you dont, youre going to have more problems than the faithful.
She turns to Dan, in case he thought even for a moment he was safe.
Turn off the lights.
Phaedra has been activated.
