The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip
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I am a bit exhausted, yes.
You think youre exhausted?
Weve had 15 years of this woman!
She has exhausted the Bravo fandom so much we could all Rip Van Winkle.
Oh, and what about Sonjas bathroom odors that he must clean up?
Theyre so bad that Luann comes into the main house saying that it smells like shit.
She tells Ramona to tell Sonja to keep the bathroom door closed.
just Ramona usually shits on the floor and we think shell be concerned about pooping with the door open?
As hes explaining the rules, the women ask what the prize is.
Seeing Martin in his birthday suit, Luann, always playing a long game, proposes.
Okay, we would all like to see this, no?
But do we say it out loud?
Do we sexually harass the staff?
If youre a human, then no.
If youre a Housewife, then yes.
Maybe the women only limit themselves to objectifying men who clearly have a 401(k).
We learn that some of the ladies are better at surfing than others.
Dorinda learned on an ill-fated trip to Mexico that we all witnessed, and Luann still doesnt remember.
Crazy enough,it actually exists.
However, when she gets on the surfboard, shes just as bad as everyone else.
Well, all of you did.
Then I vomited again and it looked just like a movie I once saw calledInnocence.
Its not like shes giving birth, Ramona says about Kristens screams.
She likes the attention.
Kristen asks for someone to hold her hand and Ramona gets up.
Sonja tells her its nice shes going over.
Kelly then stops to take a selfie, totally oblivious that Kristen just lost an entire appendage.
Now its time for the scavenger hunt.
Martin hides in his quarters while the women split into two teams.
Its Kelly, Kristen, and Sonja versus Luann, Ramona, and Dorinda.
However, this is peakRHONY: Glue Factory.
It is like all their best times are behind them.
Were not in St. Barts to make new memories; were just back here reliving old times.
Avivas leg under a pool lounger is hilarious, but I also want more for our girls.
Dorinda and Luann put themselves in the seats of honor.
When Ramona sits down defeated, she says, I was going to give you the center tonight anyway.
Yup, thats our monster.
During dinner, all the women tell how they met the men they eventually married.
Now were all telling engagement stories.
Theres poo involved and a ring in the poo and a ring out of the poo.
Its pure Sonja, both living in the past and living in a fantasy.
After the long-ass story, the women get up from the table to relieve themselves and get some space.
But Dorinda isnt stopping her anymore like she did in the past.
None of them are.
Its sort of like how youre not supposed to wake a sleepwalker because they might inadvertently hurt themselves.
Its the same with Sonja and her delusions.
We arent going to disabuse her of them, so we might as well let her enjoy the sunset.
She says she heard about a man who watched a butterfly come out of its chrysalis.
It has to fight and squeeze its big beautiful wings out of a small opening to take flight.
They actually need this.
The resistance is necessary for the butterfly to be strong enough to make its migration.
The man loved watching this.
He loved watching butterflies struggle, arrested from their final form by his own machinations.
That mans name is Andy Cohen.
