The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip
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I cannot begin to explain Kelly Killoren Bensimon because I cannot begin to comprehend Kelly Killoren Bensimon.
Its not that Kelly doesnt know what shes talking about.
Its like a David Lynch movie about aSports Illustratedbikini photoshoot gone bad.
Though its not nearly as bad or nearly as shocking, it is like Scary Island all over again.
At Kristens neon party, we see some of the same behavior.
And then attacking everyone who tries to discuss things with her as behaving like they are teenagers.
Then Kelly keeps saying that she knows what the fans want.
And it does seem true.
Kelly was fine when Kristen was on the outs and Kelly was lumped in with the OGs.
Now that alliances are shifting, Kelly is once again alone.
Maybe a bit of both.
This is manifesting itself in two major ways.
The first is that Kellys hair has become a sentient canine that is barking at her cast mates.
No, thats not one of the ways; thats just Kelly being bonkers.
The second is by continuously saying that Dorinda called her a cunt when she actually didnt.
Well, she kind of did.
Dorinda described the way Kelly was treating Kristen as cunty.
Dorinda, much like myself, lived in England for many years.
But there is a key distinction between Kelly saying something cunty and her being a cunt.
Its the same distinction as doing something shitty and being a piece of shit.
One describes behavior; the other describes identity.
Theres a brief interlude where we dont have to discuss this.
Everyone goes on a yacht that Sonja is hosting for the group.
(Never get hosting confused with paying for.)
At lunch were back to Kelly Incorporated, where the stock always goes down.
Dorinda says that she will be and probably doesnt need advice on how to be well-received.
Kristen is, honestly, mostly forgotten.
Which would you rather have from a fan base?
But even as she says this, she accuses Luann of fanning out and wanting her autograph.
How can Kelly hold fans both so in contempt and so in esteem at the same time?
How is Kristen supposed to know men to invite?
Anyway, Kristen looks amazing in a shimmery green dress with a matching Lucite box as a purse.
Luann is giving majorBelow Deckchief stew vibes in a Party City white wig and a gorgeous pink sequin dress.
Sorry, a gorgeous pink sequin body suit.
Thats when Kelly says, Ding, ding, ding!
on her glass and tries to make a toast right in the middle of her story!
Now were back on the Kelly hamster wheel.
Kelly says, Im an action verb.
I do what I say Im going to do.
Then Kelly and Kristen get into it again.
I literally watch unhinged women on television as a career.
This is what I dedicated my life to doing.
(Youre welcome.)
And even still, Kelly bores me.
Because theres no movement, theres no drift.
She just sticks to the same weird points over and over.
We cant understand them or her psychology, so she just ends up confusing us.
And now it seems as though Scary Island was not a fluke.
This is who Kelly is (at least on a reality television program cast trip).
Kristen accuses Kelly of putting up walls, and Kelly says the same thing back to Kristen.
Wait, isnt she the one who talked all about her marriage last night at dinner?
Isnt that pretty revealing?
Meanwhile, Kelly is dropping info bombs at dinner.
Shes moving, shes going to get engaged, shes selling her family home.
Thats why Kristen was waiting too, but she yelled at her for it.
Kristen says to Kelly, Did what I said about the wall resonate with you at all?
What are you doing?
You just navigated your way to the other side of a minefield, and now, what?
Youre going back because you forgot your umbrella?
That means Kelly is not interested in Kristens friendship.
But what is going on in her life?
What advice does she need?
She still hasnt told us the fans while chastising Kristen for the same thing.
I cant take it anymore.
Its short-circuiting my brain.
I cant process it anymore.
