The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
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How do yall feel about teasers?
At least when it comes to Bravo.
But Andy Cohen being a silly little goose and promising jaw-dropping bombshells?
The bar is already too high.
Heather administers the fuel for proper tear-duct function (Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn).
They all agree Jen should get the best room at the villa.
Ramona Singer, watch your back!
Im already aLuann apologist.
Luckily, it looks like thats not happening any time soon.
Maybe these are Andys jaw-dropping bombshells.
She doesnt want to be there.
She hasnt wanted to be there for a single moment of this season.
Alas, Heathers clear-headed and ready to bond.
And bond in fact they do!
Hint: the shared interest may or may not be keeping the Bravo paychecks coming.
Im still unsure if they lost the plot or my easily overstimulated brain did.
Mary didnt come on the bus because she refuses to give a reason.
She also refuses to apologize for that or anything else.
Lisa suggests Meredith didnt come on the bus because of Jen.
(No shit, Sherlock.)
Meredith deflects and tells Jen that Jennie called her a criminal.
(A real deflecting-projecting-lying pot meets kettle situation!)
Jen screams a lot and then leaves.
Mary powders her nose at the table.
This is not a euphemism.
Jennie calls out Meredith for responding _()_/ to Marys racist bullshit.
Meredith excuses herself because she is not in the mental state for this level of dissension.
Meredith fully loses any ounce of the god-tier status she had remaining from those arrest-day bathtub antics.
Heather gives Mary a steak in exchange for bringing Meredith back to the table.
Jen returns with what is acting like a Spacemaker pencil box and a hot pretzel.
Theyre gnashing their spittle directly into each others gaping maws!
Jen tells Meredith shes living fraudulent lives.
Meredith keeps trying baby and sweetie as patronizing clapbacks to limited success.
Jen says Meredith has ten other motherfucking boyfriends.
Anyway, see yall next week for a rousing hike and Heather eating some Sugar Babies in bed.
In the meantime, just conjecture about the jaw-dropping bombshell wrong answers only.
