The Real Housewives of Orange County
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
As the kids would say on the SnapTok: Where is the lie?
Noella is so thirsty not even the quickly evaporating Lake Superior could quench her.
She is so thirsty that she dwarfs gay Twitters combined lust for Sean Mendes.
She will never feed the emptiness inside of her, and we are all currently benefitting from it.
Noella has no interest in being friends with any of these women.
Noella is only here to be on the show.
She is here only to be famous.
This is what Heather hates.
If she makes some connections along the way, then great.
She cant mess with Noella because she cant appreciate her worldview.
She cant make phony friends and sell tickets to her live shows through an agent of chaos.
Dont get me wrong, Heather is right; Noella is way, way too thirsty.
Its not like Heather is much better.
Some are even calling her the shows new villain.
Basically, Heather is mad that Noella said she slammed people against a wall when she didnt.
It wasnt a big deal until Heather made it into a big deal at dinner.
Also, Noella seemed like she was defending herself against Heather.
Do I believe Noella heard that Heather slammed someone into a wall?
Do I believe Heather did?
Do I think that Noella maliciously made this thing up to humiliate Heather?
Heather responds, When things came between us, I let them go because of what shes going through.
But my family and my life are more important than you and what you are going through.
Okay, this did not hurt your family.
Ive seen many women use this because, as we all know, kids are off-limits.
Heather says this when there is no impact on her family whether or not she shoved a crew member.
She, personally, is going to look bad, yes.
But how will this hurt her family?
But its not like Terry will leave her because she manhandled Tony, the camera operator.
This posed as much risk to her family as a bag of kale chips poses to the panda population.
What drives me crazy about it is that it is phony.
Its all phony her airs, her friendships, even her anger.
She doesnt like Noella because she thinks Noella cheapens the show and doesnt want her there.
Just say it, Heather.
Just be real, even for a second, instead of as fake as all of Noellas Birkins.
Luckily there were a few fun moments in the episode.
We got Emily Simpson getting all Katniss Everdeen when everyone goes arching.
I take that back.
She was way moreGeena Davis at the Olympics.
We also see Shannon and Gina mooning over a chicken salad while Noella and Heather are upstairs fighting.
That is why I love these two.
There were lots of things to hate, too.
What is the right level of enthusiasm to display in this situation?
There is not one.
That is why it should never happen.
But at least no one voraciously sucked face during it like its a one-on-one date onThe Bachelor.
Gina is drunk; I get it.
Can you believe they ordered asalad?!
You wont even believe what they did next.
They invited me tobrunch.
I sent him nudes and then he blocked me on GrindrandInstagram.
Wait, that last one is something different.
But you know what I mean.
We dont have to pick sides.
There is no hashtag TeamPhony or hashtag TeamThirsty.
They can both be good; they can both be awful.
It all matters and none of it matters because none of it is real.
Tell either of these women to speak their actual truth or have Emily shoot at them with her arrows.
Either way, we win.
