The Real Housewives of Orange County
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
This is a public service announcement: Do not Google Puerto Vallarta parasailing accident.
Um, bad idea for anyone who likes water sports.
(No, not what youre thinking.)
There is abuffetofterrifyingvideos, and I dont know why Vicki ever let herself go airborne.
Vicki and Heather gliding through the air is my favorite moment of the whole episode, though.
Youre at Coto Insurance.
There are Post-it notes.
There are legal pads.
Speaking about Vicki and Heather, this episode really was about the two of them.
Why not just ask Kim Richards or Ramona Singer, Ms.
Were going to talk, instead, about Vicki and Heather.
Ive been working on a new theory about Vicki.
These women showed up on-camera just being themselves and not playing any sort of role.
Vicki signed onto this show as a lark and didnt think this would have any impact on her life.
Boy, was she wrong.
She was so successful at being herself that she nevertriedto be a Housewife.
The same goes for Teresa Giudice, Ramona Singer, NeNe Leakes, and other first-generation ladies.
They didnt have glam squads, they didnt self-produce, they didnt hunt for story lines, they didnttry.
Of course, the results were spectacular.
This is not a Vicki that we know and love.
This is a Vicki desperate for attention and to have her orange back.
I mean, shes likeBob Iger refusing to give up her role at Disney.
Then Vicki finally gets honest with us.
(The answer, Vicki, is to make white women feel better about themselves.)
Welcome back, Vicki.
Its encouraging the name Fancy Pants.
Its calling Champagne champs.
Heathers brand is better than you.
That is as much Heathers fault as their own.
Im sorry, but Emily was right when the women were on the bus.
If youre friends with someone, if youre on the show with them, then you follow them.
This is why Emily thinks Heather thinks shes better than everyone, because of things like that.
I did love Heathers explanation for it, though.
She said when she left this friend group, she unfollowed everyone because she got FOMO.
I wish Heather had explored that more.
Have the other women been coming for her this whole season?
At the final dinner, everything completely falls apart, and I somehow end up totally on Heathers side.
It turns out it wasnt Shannon who said it; it was Tamra.
(This marketing for BravoCon is so genius I cant believeBethenny Frankeldidnt think it up.)
That is the distinction that is lost in this game of telephone.
Heather wasnt calling the cast losers, she was callingNoellaa loser.
(Poor Noella, out here collecting strays like she just got a job at Vanderpump Dogs.)
Whats bad about this is that it feeds into the narrative that Heather thinks shes better than other people.
Where shes wrong is that Tamra wasnt really talking shit, she was making a joke to Heather.
Yes, Heather is as bad at jokes as she is not wearing a ponytail.
Does Heather hate them all?
I dont think she does.
She is sad, frustrated, far from home, and sending her kids off to college.
Shes retrofitting a Roberto Cavalli penthouse so it doesnt look like an Italian grandmothers boudoir.
(More strays for Shannon!)
