The Real Housewives of Orange County
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Shannon is one of the former types of Housewives, but she does it in a totally different way.
This whole episode is a case study in that.
Theres something in the air the whole episode about her relationship with boyfriend John Janssen.
It starts with Heather Dubrow telling Tamra that she told Emily and Gina that their relationship is bad.
This is all related but also not related.
Its related because when anyone brings up Shannons relationship, her ass explodes like it just watchedOppenheimerin Imax 70-mm.
Hes very private about his condiment consumption, and hes worried about being sued by Big Salsa.
When I talk about Shannon having no idea what is good for her, this is what I mean.
(Ahem, Ryan, Ahem.)
But thats the thing about Shannon; she doesnt really want to share anything about her life either.
I mean, she does, and tons of it.
Remember when she weighed in with a trainer and he looked at the number and just said, Wow!
But when it comes to her relationships and children, Shannon only wants to give off sunshine and unicorns.
She only wants them to talk about how great John Janssen is.
This is when it all goes haywire.
John has been cheating on her with the nanny, maybe.
Oh, wait, is he doing stuff at the gym?
That went really far onRHONJand also with Jenn and Ryan at CUT Fitness.
Could he be a serial killer?
Could he be a serial killer who is secretly bald and wears a toupee?
Could he be a serial killer with a toupee but also a white refrigerator and bad credit?
Could he be, as Kandi Burruss would say, a scrub?
She says that she only bitched about him once in 2020 to Emily and Gina.
Shannon is then raging around Jenns house, shouting, Its not that bad!
Our relationship is great, but we get into arguments.
But I dont believe that.
The end result is we think that her relationship with John is absolutely about to disintegrate.
But she did the same thing with David.
Yes, we found out he was cheating, and itliterally killed her.
Then, when they reconciled, she went around telling everyone how good it is.
Theyre so over it.
Tell that to your divorce.
Meanwhile, Heather Dubrow gives us a master class on what to do with rumors about your shitty relationship.
Heather just goes, Pish, and swats them away as if they are a million silent-but-deadlies.
See, Heather made me successfully forget them by acting as if they dont matter.
By turning the allegations into absolutely nothing, Heather can make them go away.
Theres another fight with Emily that also illustrates why the women are frustrated with her.
Or, say it with me, kids:All fights on the show are about the show.
I take it back.
Thats all Vicki does now.
She arrives and goes, OG of the OC!
Fill my love tank!
Is this a FAMILY VAN?
Lets do keg stands like when I surprised my son Michael at college.
I have never had sex with multiple partners!
See you at Andeles.
I did love Vickis list of the 18 things a man must have so you can date her.
You would love to see my list:
Okay, fine, there are only six of them.
But who really even needs a man?
Vicki always needs a man.
I wish they would see how much better they are than these dudes.
I wish they would see how they diminish themselves just to hold onto these assholes.
At the end of the day, it is Emily Simpson, Esq., who is absolutely right.
She says, At the end of the day, who is going to be there?
Is it going to be John, or is it going to be us?
I would put money on us.
