The Real Housewives of Orange County
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Why isnt every show having mammogram parties?
This is the best possible storyline.
to the London trip.
Ugh, this terrible, terrible woman.
We find out that Shannon hadnt had a mammogram in ten years.
We really needed this doctors visit.
Later, at the London dinner, Tamra asks Heather about the results of the test.
(Im sure prompted by either Heather, a producer, orsomeone.)
Heather wells up and says that not a single person asked how she was doing.
Why does someone need to ask?
Why does she need to beasked?
These are your friends.
Dont just be on the lookout for something to be aggrieved about.
This is an acceptable amount of hyperbole to add to her story without flat-out lying.)
Ugh, Im not sure how I feel about having these ladies in my adopted hometown of London.
I have never heard someone say cheerio or spot of tea in my six years here.
Also trousers means pants and pants means underwear.
When they arrive at the hotel, Heather makes a meal of Shannon flirting with the sexy daddy concierge.
She wanted a swingers party, but all she got was this.
It was kind of an efficient but boring way to snag the rooms.
If it is fancy, yes.
If it is fun, no way.
She tried to keep Katie but, after three days, realized she couldnt.
OMG, what is this moisture that is suddenly appearing on my face?
Is it toothpaste and Dr. Pepper?
It cant possibly be, is it … tears?
What happens next is not as sad but way more dramatic.
Tamra and Heather decide to bring up something that Shannon said on Jeff Lewiss radio show.
Between this and its prominence in thenew season ofRHONY, this radio show is taking over all of Bravo.
That makes it sound like it was a loan.
Heather is attacking Shannon because she feels like she was used to promote Shannons propaganda about John.
Shannon gets all mad about this and storms (Beador) away from the table.
Sometimes people are victimized and how they respond to it doesnt really matter.
The problem here is that Heather and Tamra are right.
Shannon totally set Heather up in that scene.
This seemed fairly plain even as it was happening.
As Tamra points out, Shannon does it all the time on this reality show.
We know that Shannon did all this and, honestly, I dont think most of the audience cares.
Shannon never did any of this proactively, she only did it reactively.
So, yes, Heather and Tamra are factually correct, but they are not emotionally correct.
The editors have never been crueler or funnier.
But when Gina joins her, we get another wonderful revelation.
In the text, Alexis says, Wehave engaged an attorney, and, You will be hearing fromourattorney.
Just think about Alexis, back in Orange County, lying in bed trying to compose her text.
Johnny, what about this?
she yells over the sound of running water as he rinses off from their 14th love-making session that day.
She mentions the suit, she mentions Shannon having money, she thinks it is short and clever.
But theres one thing left.
Which emoji should she end with.
But which to choose?
What about wad of bills with wings.
No, that might be hers and Johns money flying out into Shannons pockets.
Finally, she gets to her most used emojis and sees the one in the top left corner.
The one she uses all the time.
The one that means everything to her.
She chooses the hands making a heart emoji like shes a contestant onLove Islandmaking her introductory video.
Yes, its perfect.
Its everything Alexis stands for.
Its love, but a cheesy kind of manufactured, performative love.
Its the spectacle of caring without any of the emotional hard work.
Yup, this is the one.
