The Real Housewives of Orange County
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My favorite episodes ofHousewivesare when everyone is a little bit wrong and everyone is a little bit right.
Noella tries to use her fathers death to get herself a better room.
There is also an altercation with a tiny spider that Gina says is a tarantula.
Bravos science editors tell us in a chyron that it is definitely not a tarantula.
Can they start to do this but tell us when someone is not wearing a wig?
(Also, it is always a wig.)
Things at dinner start easy and breezy enough.
Emily asks everyone to tell them something she doesnt know about them.
And she is like, Yes, it was very extra.
Also, you had to crank it.
And it was only a stick shift.
No one can relate.
That is the tarantula to Jens itsy bitsy spider.
After the revelation, however, there were no follow-up questions.
I could use a spreadsheet or maybe a PowerPoint presentation.
At least a seven-part podcast calledDirty Jenabout a grifter doctor living in Orange County and getting serial engaged.
I am already addicted.
The first argument that we do not care about is between Heather and Shannon.
As Wendy Williams says, Clap if you care.
Yes, you are greeted with absolute silence.
Heather says she was just calling to say hello and she thought that was a nice thing.
Im on Shannons side with this one.
Youre just going to be like, Hi!
Were all hanging out.
Cant wait to see you.
LYLAS, and keep it moving.
You dont have time to get into particulars.
Shannon is selling it as I said in a silly voice, We need to have more fun!
but Emily is saying it sounded competitive.
Based on the tapes, I side with Emily.
She always needs to sell it as she was joking around or totally innocent.
Its fine to own it!
We love when people own it!
Its given Lisa Rinna an entire career!
Are we only using exclamation points now?
Okay, so Shannon gets one point.
The rest of the world gets a point.
Who cares why she called or what she intended or what was said?
Noella is right; just let Shannon be.
Raising teenage girls is its own sort of hellscape, but it is much more emotionally intensive than time-intensive.
The groan that escaped my lips.
Its just so dumb.
I fully believe that someone did tell Noella that Heather shoved a crew member.
I also fully believe there were some behind-the-scenes shenanigans between Heather and Terry and the producers at that party.
What I do not believe is that Heather actually shoved someone against a wall.
She weighs less than a chihuahua turd.
How is she going to move someone physically?
A call asking her about her life podcast?
When everyone is back at the house, the talking continues late into the night.
The MVP of the whole episode and the only one I care about is Emily One Piece Simpson.
Why are we all fighting?
Its a faux-innocent schtick that we really havent seen since Danielle Staub.
Yes, Emily, you did.
You did, and it was perfect.
I love that Emily is self-aware.
I love that she owns it.
