The Real Housewives of New York City
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I know I might be in the minority, but I really liked the first season of theRHONYreboot.
Still, I knew that the show would really start poppin in season two.
I cant freakin wait.
The episode starts out going around the horn and catching up with all of the women.
I would cut off my (husbands) pinkie toe for an elevator that opens right into the apartment.
Yeah, Brynn is trying to show off her life this time around, and its working.
Jessel seems to be doing just like she did last season.
Jessel says shes spending $900 a month on Ubers and never taking the subway.
How does this lady get anywhere?
Do you know how long an Uber in Manhattan takes?
Its not even the waste of money that galls me, but the waste of time.
Jenna goes through all of the shoes in her closet and tries to decide what to get rid of.
Shes with Nancy, her girlfriends mother, who she has just met for the first time.
Okay, Im a little bit confused here.
What exactly are the rules here?
What are the boundaries?
I dont seem to get it, and I dont think that Jenna does either.
Much like Jenna, she also divorced her husband and started dating women.
Weve had lesbians onHousewivesbefore, but it was Jenna, Braunwyn onRHOC, and Julia onRHOM.
These are pretty, femme lesbians who wear gowns and get into glam.
Its giving Kelly Killoren Bensimon on Scary Island.
You know my friend Gwyneth …Paltrow.
It really came out in her scene at Serendipity with her husband, Abe.
He responds, We can take some mushrooms and stare at it for hours.
She says, Stop.
You cant say that.
Why did you go there?
You shouldnt joke about drugs.
This is the correction that Erin has made.
This annoys me for many reasons.
First of all, it was a joke, and we all know it was.
A stupid joke, yes, but a joke.
Also, if Erin and her husband did mushrooms, it would be the coolest thing about them.
Why not let us think you do mushrooms, Erin?
Thats the one thing that might make me want to hang out with you.
But the real reason I hate it is because Erin is instructing her husband to be fake on-camera.
That is the opposite of what the show should be.
The only thing that works onHousewivesis authenticity.
Then, in her confessional, she says, Im not going there.
I dont know that Im ready to talk about all this stuff between Abe and me.
Okay, if thats the case, then Erin needs to give back her check and apple.
This is what the show is about: being yourself and sharing your life.
Erin seems to think she doesnt have to, that shes too good for it.
God, I hate this woman so much.
I also couldnt be happier to have her back.
Shes mad that Brynn has been telling the rest of the women that she called Jenna poor.
Erin got her an Uber, but Jenna never paid her back.
Erin says she 100 percent did not say it, and Brynn says she totally did.
Erin meant it as a joke, but the problem is Erin is about as funny as pancreatic cancer.
Erin is as funny as rising sea levels.
Erin is as funny as a fart in yoga class.
Wait, I take it back.
Farts in yoga are hilarious.
It did not come off as a joke.
(As we established earlier, Erin is not a suitable judge for what is funny.)
But I also think that Brynn took it and intentionally twisted it.
So, yes, Erin did say it, but not in the spirit that Brynn recounted it.
This seems to be an emerging pattern with Brynn.
Erin recounts the cheese incident that started off last season.
We also see her pull up a text from Sai calling Jessels husband Dory fromFinding Nemo.
(Thats mean, but, honestly, I see it.)
But the real way that she did Sai dirty was telling Jenna that Sai hated her.
Again, this is a true thing that is taken out of context.
Sai was telling people, including Erin, that she couldnt stand Jenna last season.
At the party, Sai sidles up to Jenna and admits her part in it.
Sai admits she judged Jenna and was wrong.
Sai owns it, she apologizes, and she means it.
Erin then texts Jessel and says, So disappointed.
Sister, maybe ask Jessel what went down before just assuming things and accusing her.
Chill out, Erin.
But now, sadly, I have to defend Erin against Brynn.
Jeff insinuates that someone is helping support her, meaning a man of some sort.
Erin firmly denies it.
Jeff continues speculating, but Erin did her part and said that Brynn wasnt getting money from a man.
There was a sugar-baby insinuation, but that was as bad as it got.
This is why there will never be a Real Househusbands show.
Sai freaks out, and Bianca Del Rios out, saying, Not today, Satan.
I just laugh and giggle all day, Brynn says.
Thats her ultimate defense, thats why shes all smiles and unicorns all the time.
But thats the problem with a second season.
