The Real Housewives of New York City
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Remember how we spent most of 2016 reading, Today is the day that Donald Trump became president?
Now, we keep saying, This is when these went from women to Real Housewives.
After this episode, we are looking at a bunch of rage-honed fame beasts that we can recognize.
Yes, theyve become Housewives.
What is it about this episode?
Not just one but two (2) ridiculous, stupid fights where everyone is right and wrong.
Housewifery at its finest, I tell you.
Yes, the dinner is so boring we only get a recap the next morning.
Heres the thing about Jessel, though.
Then, while everyone titters over the recording, she still says, deadass, I dont snore.
Jessel says that Erin thinks shes lying about not coming from anything.
Girl, why cant Erin just believe people?
Why does Erin have to go around rubbing her Ralph Lauren Knits and pointed scowl all over everyones taints?
It was always negative $498.
Ubah says that they were all poor when they first moved to New York; what is the difference?
(That tasted like barfing up last nights Dominos.)
The difference between Jessel and Brynn or Sai is that Jessel had her college education paid for.
So, yes, Jessel had it rough, but as rough as Sai or Brynn?
No, she did not have it that tough.
That Jessel denies that and cant see the difference is also why she cant admit to snoring.
Jessel also gets mad that they didnt want to hear about her whole familys story.
Jessel may not know who she is or how she behaves, but she can tell a great story.
When the women finally settle into dinner that night, they decide to tell their most embarrassing stories.
and fell into a grotto with her boobs out.
She had the table howling.
Erin has never been embarrassed, uncomfortable, or in the wrong her entire existence.
Then she talks and says, My kid wouldnt stop crying on a plane once.
Yeah, this is not a game where Erin will excel.
Another game that Erin is not good at is pranks.
But that was a funny prank, right?
Erin takes the phone but tells Sai not to tell Ubah because she will play a prank on her.
(These are literally the only three things my husband uses his phone for.)
Then I swoop in like a savior, put his machinations to rest, and am the prank victor.
Erin does not do this.
She then waits until Ubah is a good two meters from the water and tries to strong-arm her in.
Erin is a five-foot-six woman living on celery juice and recriminations.
Ubah is an 11-foot-73 woman who lives on bananas and serving cunt.
There is only going to be one victim here.
That is how you do it.
After this, everyone goes to bed, and Erin still has the phone.
That is not a prank, that is being an asshole.
Or maybe it is a prank, but just a really bad one.
Either way, it went on way too long.
I get Ubahs point.
What if her family wanted to check in or something?
This is a little hyperbolic, but I get the point.
This is a combination of Erin bungling the prank (was she going to keep the phone overnight?)
and Ubah overreacting about the sanctity of having ones phone in a protected villa in Anguilla.
Both right, both wrong, both fully formed Housewives.
Still, Ubahs pissed because Sai didnt immediately rat Erin out, making an unfunny prank even unfunnier.
Or, as Brynn says, Erin thought she was being funny.
Erin, leave the funny to me.
This is when it all kicks off.
