The Real Housewives of New York City
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Im sorry, but this episode was a snooze.
I think the problem is that there isnt real tension or affection between the women yet.
Im not feeling the fantasy.
Brynn is like, I want to make out with a girl!
and Love is love; I dont care where I get it.
I think its a poor reflection on Brynn.
It seems like the only way she has any value for herself is to be wanted sexually or romantically.
However, because theres a queer woman in the group, it allows Brynn to flirt with someone.
Instead of shortcircuiting what seems to be her most annoying trait, it only brings it to the forefront.
Also, and I hate to use this term, butits queerbaiting.
Brynn is flirting with Jenna with no intention of ever actually putting out.
I feel this way about her relations with Jenna and everyone in the bar.
I really wish she would knock it off, at least in a queer space.
To quote one of myfavorite episodes ofSex and the City, Sweetheart, thats all very nice.
But if youre not going to eat pussy, youre not a dyke.
Just look at what happens when a cute femme named Katie comes over to join the ladies conversation.
Let Jenna get in there!
Speaking of lady departments, Jessel and Pavit finally had their staycation at the Ritz Carlton.
And by staycation, I mean sex date.
They went to a Michelin-star restaurant, got a nanny, and rented a hotel room.
Guys, its just banging.
Its not like youre renewing your vows or anything.
Also, Jessel said it took her 20 minutes to warm up.
Yeah, it probably took Pavit about 3.5 pumps before he was done.
Pull an Erin (or a late 90s Lance Bass) and just fuck in the closet.
Its much cheaper, easier, and more fitting to the situation.
His immediate response is, Can we have real dessert, too, though?
I have never related more to a straight man in my life.
(Love you, babe!)
Pavit and Jessels relationship was the subject of dinner when Erin and Abe went out with Sai and David.
Erin asks Abe what he would do if she hadnt slept with him for almost two years.
Im with Abe on this one.
Sorry, folks, thems the rules.
I love this journey for the two of them, and they will be hits in the swinger world.
Then Erin says that she wanted a gay dude.
Initially, I thought they wanted a dude to service them both.
I was like, Is Abe coming out as bi, and should I trim my gooch?
Erin says if shes going to have sex with a gay man, theres no affection between them.
First of all, there are definitely gay dudes who would do this.
The balls on this one!
Sorry, I was thinking about Abes balls, but also the nerve on Erin.
What else happened in this episode?
Brynn and Ubah bathed together, but it was just over FaceTime.
In a ringing endorsement, Erin described it as, pleasant.
Im sure they will have that pull quote placed on their signage immediately.
Pleasant Erin Mew Mew Lichy.
Now weve come to the only altercation in the episode and its between Sai and Jessel.
I dont want to go to lunch.
Doesnt she understand the assignment?
This is what we do on Housewives.
This is the job.
What in the Dorit Kemsleys Glam Squad is this?
People who are consistently late are one of my great pet peeves.
And Jessel didnt even text or call or anything.
(Its a thing!)
but beyond that, you have to call or text.
And anything past 30 minutes late, then I am never hanging out with you again; Im sorry.
That is just massively disrespectful of someones time.
Sais understandably prickly when Jessel arrives, but her demeanor is colder than an Icelandic nudist colony.
Jessel talks about her date night and Sai is convinced shes lying.
I mean, why would she lie about fucking her husband?
Just to wrap up the storyline?
This doesnt make sense to me.
Upon hearing this, Sai says, Jessel, to be honest with you, I really dont care.
This isnt in a breezy way like, Oh, no big deal, sis.
I didnt think that at all.
This isnt great, but maybe it would have been better if Jessel had been on time.
But I think Jessels behavior may be a direct result of Sais coldness.
All of this makes it sound like something crazy or dramatic happened, but it never felt that way.
It was like Sai never cared, got even more defensive after Jessels indefensible lateness, and bailed early.
I hope this isnt a sign of the franchise at large, a failure to launch.
