The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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I know were only one episode in, but I am so gladNew Jerseyis back.
The great thing I feel aboutNew Jerseyis how full it is.
We have the regular cast but also all of their husbands.
We have Jackie and Evan hiding along the fringes.
We have Lexi, Marges assistant and the only person on Earth with an accent more inscrutable thanHilaria Baldwins.
Let us not forget about the new people.
Jent is possibly the chair of every single PTA board in all of America.
There are two full-time newbies.
She also used to train with Frank and Brittany because this is Jersey and thats how things go.
I mean, the gene pool in these parts is shallower than Teresas birthday gifts.
But I like all of this.
Melissas roller-rink party is a good example of this.
The problem with the season is that no one is over their old shit.
Teresa and the Gorgas still hate each other with the burning fire of a million UTIs.
Jennifer is pissed at Dolores for something I dont even remember.
Margaret and Teresa havent talked since the reunion.
Its as if this whole franchise has been spinning its wheels a little bit.
The good thing about all of this is that the sides have split open.
(I dont blame her.)
The problem is that Dolores and Frank have a modern arrangement.
They are exes and co-parents who happen to be best friends and business partners.
Its as if Dolores and the rest of the women are cursed.
Jennifer is at home doing ancient Turkish ceremonies to get rid of the evil eye.
I think all of these women could use it.
Even after the ceremony, Jennifer breaks her toe.
Then, at the roller rink, Marge breaks her wrist.
Melissa has a debilitating case of needs-a-story-line-itis.
Its bad news all the way down over here off the Garden State Parkway.
Oh, wait that was me.
I was skeptical when they were getting ready to meet because both women sought an apology.
Teresa is now in therapy and talking about how Luis is helping her to be a better person.
I didnt see it until Teresa apologized to Margaret, and they decided to move on.
But lets be real here: Teresa is going to bring this up the first chance she gets.
Supermarkets should ask Teresa her secret and apply it to their produce because nothing ever expires in Teresas mind.
All of these wrongs (which Teresa brought on herself) must be righted.
And that is how the Dad Bods of New Jersey calendar came to be.
Then Dolores gets mad that Jennifer is talking about her to everyone without actually talking to her.
The whole thing devolves into a stupid fight I wont pretend to understand or care about.
I dont even want this fight.
I want more of the guys hamming it up.
I want more of the wives taking good care of their boys.
And quickly the whole fight is shrouded over with a giant To Be Continued … on the screen.
But does this need to continue?
Jen left the party.
What is the continuation?
