The Real Housewives of New Jersey
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
At this point, do these women even deserve a show anymore?
Who can we give the show to?
Olivia shouts, And risk my beautiful nose, which is actually natural?
Get her and Milania Giudice together and make them the newKate and Allie.
Who else can have the show?
Oh, how about Marges orthopedist Dr. David A. Porter?
The only thing hotter than a man this good-looking is a man who is this good-looking and a doctor.
The only thing hotter than that?
A fine doctor with a middle initial.
Nothing floods my basement like that.
Okay, how are we 13 seasons into this show, and this class hasnt happened before?
But that could be a little on the nose.
But they straight up were like, Ramona Singer sucks and ruined Teresas wedding.
You have to appreciate the honesty here.
What old fights do we need to talk about?
Lets talk about Jennifer and Marge.
Alright, this is shadier than the biggest tree in Paramus at sunset.
My idea is no.
If someone talked to one of Jen or Teresas old friends, theyd both be pissed.
Even worse, they got some sort of juice out of the meeting but wont say what it is.
Who could it be?
Joe Benigno is a good candidate because Laura would know all of their dirty laundry.
But I also cant see Teresa sitting on cheating rumors about Melissa and not telling her brother.
Shes hated Melissa from day one and would love to get this kind of revenge.
This has to be a glam squad gay being messy, right?
My DMs are open and ready.
She is absolutely right, but in this context, that is not something a friend does.
Should I go to see what she has to say?
Jen says, I dont have issues with Dolores.
Oh, she does have issues with Dolores, and she is about to hear about them.
Im still not sure what theyre mad about.
Who can keep it straight?
Theyre just screaming at each other.
Teresa tries to end it and says, How about a clean slate?
Wants a clean slate?
This woman wants them to have a clean slate?
Thats like Vladimir Putin screaming about the sanctity of his borders.
While theyre screaming, Im way more interested in Melissa and Jennifer Fessler talking about a ham sandwich.
(Oh, this is my apology to Jen Fessler for thinking her name was Jen Thessler last episode.
She will no longer be called Jent; she will henceforth be known as Jenf.
We barely regret the error.)
This is essentially what the show is.
This is the problem with the way both of these women treat people.
If you dont display intense, unrelenting loyalty, then they burn the bridge with name-calling and violence.
Thats why theyre isolated; thats why theyre alone.
This is why, at least on Housewives, you oughta get over shit.
