The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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Okay, that sounds fun.
Like Guinness, corned beef, whiskey shots, and U2 on the soundtrack, Im in.
But then he says, Like a Prohibition, Roaring 20s party.
Okay, back up.
Back up so far that you overstep Ireland and end up somewhere near Bruges.
I will no longer pretend!
(That is because they are delicious, so I dont have to fake it.)
I dont care that Dolores ignores Frank because she is in the right here.
Frank ends it with a cute button saying that hes not losing his family; its just getting bigger.
Aww, so sweet.
Too bad Paulie still hates this dude as much as whoever cleans the Equinox showers hates pubic hair.
If you go to Equinox, that shit is already waxed within an inch of its life.)
Did you see his face the whole dinner?
However, stamp this file [THUD] Story line closed.
Maybe get a better camera?
This doesnt seem that hard.
Danielle told us he dumped her because she unfollowed him on Insta.
That her mother is on her side makes me think that Danielle is probably in the right here.
Anyway, stamp this file [THUD] Story line closed.
I have to provide.
Thats the thing about being old school.
You have to stick to the script: The man makes the money and the woman raises the kids.
Consider this file stamped [THUD] Story line open (question mark).
My favorite scene of the episode was when Rachel and John Fuda (always both names!)
sit down with their son Jaiden to talk about how the adoption process is going.
He seems concerned that she might, and he wants to know about the process.
The two of them handle this delicate situation perfectly.
What is this moisture on my face?
It must be … tears?
Stamp this file [SOB] Story line closed.
Theyre called Cazzie and Mazzie and still have the same haircut, glasses, and outfits.
Apparently they were best friends with Barbra Streisand when they were kids.
Have you ever noticed how everyone in Jenfs life is, like, only 1.5 degrees from Kevin Bacon?
If a celebrity wasnt there, Jenf never registered it.
I enjoy her but stamp her [THUD] Story line closed.
Alright, that only leaves us with one story line a saga, really.
An epic poem that was not written in dactylic hexameter but in idiotic infinitymeter.
That is the story of Melissa and Teresa.
Put your stamp away because its about to totally pop off next week.
That is what is happening to Danielle; she is being outplayed and outmaneuvered at every juncture.
She thinks that telling Melissa that Marge said this about her will somehow reflect badly on Marge.
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, sister.
(like, Moylan.
I know you turn 45 next week, but can we get a reference that isnt from the 80s?
You know who Olivia Rodrigo is.
Also, why does anyone believe any of this?
Also, Laura could be totally making this whole thing up.
As much as Teresa hates Melissa, she should know she would never cheat on her brother.
In fact, the Gorgas seem to have a pretty solid marriage these days.
Sure, herrelationship book is hot garb, but they have it figured out.
That makes both of Luiss scenes in this episode absolutely stunning.
Teresa brings up that she texted Melissa to see if she was coming to the rehearsal dinner.
Isnt that usually reserved for the wedding party, something which Teresa pointedly did not want Melissa in?
Then theyre all bent out of shape that the people they dont want at their wedding arent coming?
I cant read anymore; its making me sick, Luis says.
Dude, you dont even want them there.
You didnt fight when he got you arrested and you were sent to jail?
You only fought aboutJoe?
I mean, come fucking on already.
And wasnt it Teresa who called her brother a bitch boy at the most recent reunion?
Thats how she was trying to have a relationship with her brother?
But Im starting to understand why she is thinking like this: because Luis is telling her this.
Its him in her ear, just like she accuses Melissa of being in Joes ear.
In the first scene, he calls Joe and Melissa trash.
Then in the final scene, he goes absolutely wild on them.
Its like Luis has all of this therapy talk but is too stupid to understand how things really work.
Hes thinking about how to hurt you.
Its disgusting, he says of Joe.
Wait, isnt Teresa the one who is always blaming them for things?
How is Joe trying to hurt her?
By going on the show in the first place, which she still isnt over ten years later?
None of it makes any sense, but Teresa is buying it.
Luis is luring her in while he accuses Joe of gaslighting Teresa.
From what I understand, they supported him until he had a shady business deal with them.
… Im pulling you out of the snake pit.
