The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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What has Ireland done to these women?
But the strangest occurrence of all: Teresa Giudice is almost nice to her sister-in-law Melissa Gorgonzola.
(RIP Grandma Moylan.)
Anyway, Teresa says her father was like Claire, always saying weird and inappropriate things.
She then adds a Right, Melissa?
See, this is what you lose.
No amount of friends can replace that.
Peter takes them around the farm playing games of some sort.
This is very confusing.
Is this a sixth-grade field trip or a hen do?
Teresa gets to go first and she picks … Melissa?
Yes, much like catch the cock, this is an alliteration but not a euphemism.
She tells us in a confessional that she just pretends that part of her life didnt happen.
Well, you know what happens when you ignore history?
Oh, hi, Luis; I didnt see you there.
They both get teary thinking about it.
See, this is what we need.
We need them to remind each other of what brings them together.
Teresa comes over and hugs her.
Its so weird seeing Teresa and Melissa getting along.
I dont think I like it.
Teresa then says she wants Melissas family in the wedding in some vague way.
She spitballs some ideas, but we all know they wont happen.
Yes, but couldnt Melissa have met her halfway?
Couldnt she have seen this as a window to making things better?
Speaking of which, at lunch after we find out that Bill Aydin will also be at the wedding.
I get it, Missy G, I really do.
One minute shes crying over you; the next minute, shes pretending you dont exist.
Its more exhausting than figuring out exactly how Margarets mullet skirt of layered black tulle is constructed.
Then Peter takes the ladies to the Irish spa.
They ask if its going to be nice.
It even happens if you put Irishaftera word, like the Fighting Irish.
I mean, who the fuck wants to go to Notre Dame?
This Irish homosexual will be sitting this Irish spa out, k thx bai.
They even scream together as they get in.
Thats whats so confounding about these two.
At least they have this to bond them.
We discover Lexi is now living in Marges guest house after a separation.
She says that where Marge is in Ireland is 30 minutes from my hometown.
Wait, so is Lexi English or Irish?
Her accent is as inscrutable as Dorit Kemsleys after three carcass-out cocktails.
Where is this lady from?
Is she just lying to us at this point?
Is she the George Santos of Dirty Jerz?
Im hiring a PI because I need answers.
Apparently, Frank is getting into the cannabis game and brought over some joints for the guys to enjoy.
He even blows smoke in Joe Gorgas face so that he will get zooted too.
Thats fair play since Joe is always doing the equivalent with shots when the dudes are all drinking.
These newbies should be out of it.
Danielle tells Marge that she will forgive, but she wont forget.
She looks into the future, and she reads her to absolute filth.
That is why you are gonna have problems with your family for your whole life, Margaret incants.
You will never have a clean slate if you keep bringing up old shit.
And thats a fucking fact.
you’ve got the option to forgive, but you cant forget?
You pull that shit your whole life; you will never move past anything.
Its the old shit that is bringing the show down.
It is the old shit that is ruining families.
