The Real Housewives of New Jersey
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You know, the Irish and the Italians arent really that dissimilar.
Well, have you ever been to an Irish restaurant?
Ireland is a strange trip for these ladies, who are always banging on about their Mediterranean roots.
Why not just send them to Florence or something?
He gives Do some excellent advice as they prepare for the trip.
He says, If you start singing, theyll sing along.
If you start fighting, theyll fight along.
Youre my cousin now.
Youre my cousin now.
Youre my cousin now, she says as they each file toward their Sprinter van.
Its a hot car ride to the 400-year-old castle where theyre staying.
I dont have much to add to this other than you better Tony that fucking Soprano, Jenf.
When were these rooms decorated?
Was it in commemoration of Joan Collinss first face-lift?
It feels a bit like the whole cast is about to audition forThe Traitorsseason two.
(Rachel is definitely a traitor and will win the whole damn thing.)
Jen says that she said things that I would never repeat.
This is the problem right here.
Its like when Kim Richards brought up the vague specter of Harry Hamlin atthat famous Amsterdam dinner.
Jen says that Marge is mad that Laura talked to her.
Danielle says that every time Lauras name comes up, she sees a rise in Margaret.
Well, yes, probably, again, because she may be making up stories about Margaret.
Again, all the good stuff is happening off-camera.
After lunch, Danielle hits up Jennifers room because she needs to know what Laura said.
Sis, I would have done the same, so game recognizes game.
Yeah, but even by saying she knows something, Jennifer is advertising that it will come out.
Even if she doesnt say it, one of us Bravoholics will dig it up.
Sorry, I couldnt help myself.
Then Jennifer caves and spills like a drunken butler.
Yeah, so Jennifer is a hypocrite.
Also, shes coming after Melissa to get revenge on Marge?
Jennifer says that what she heard was about Melissa.
Apparently, the guy who saw it was someone who worked with both Marge and Laura.
He told me he saw Melissa making out with a guy in a car.
Can you believe that?
Thats very different from Margaret saying, OMG, Melissa is totally cheating on Joe and I have proof!
But we dont know which it is.
Um, no, this is not proof of an arsenal.
One dumb rumor that may or may not have even been from Marge does not an arsenal make.
The real problem is that when Laura told them, both Jennifer and Teresa believed it.
Teresa deserves a good time because her first bachelorette party was just seeing some male strippers in Long Island.
Apparently, one of them was namedAdele Dazeem.
Jenf asks a benign question about why Teresa decided to add Dolores and Jennifer as bridesmaids.
There are no easy questions in this game.
Before the gals have even left for Ireland, this topic comes up.
Melissa says she didnt care and she would never change her mind.
I am interested in this statement and will give it a close read.
Yes, Teresa blames everything on Melissa; that is canon.
I want to focus on she created the life were all living.
Im not sure what she means, but I think its revealing either way.
Back at the bachelorette party, Teresa explains that Dolores and Jen have always supported her and Luis.
Perfect answer, no notes.
Four stars, would recommend.
But, like most Yelp reviews, Teresa doesnt know when to stop.
She then says she was nervous about asking them because she didnt want another thing with her brother.
Great, another batch of worms for Melissa.
Wait, Missy G really is trying out to be onThe Traitors.
But that isnt the point.
Its like if your husband doesnt say, I love you for three weeks.
Then you say, Why dont you say I love you?
and he says, Well, you never asked.
The answer isnt in the act but in the intention.
To her credit, Melissa is calmly asking her questions and will eventually waive the whole thing off.
This season she seems as resigned as a disgraced congressman who needs to spend more time with his family.
Teresa says, Im the coolest sister, but then you have a go at make me look bad.
I never throw him under the bus, but he will throw me under the bus.
She literally threw him under the bus when she said he should have told her to invite the mother.
I mean, she just did it and she doesnt even recognize it.
She then says, This is the happiest time of my life.
My brother should make this my happy time.
Oh, dont start with the shoulds, Teresa.
You should have invited Melissas mother.
(Debatable, but Joe and Missy think she should have.)
You should have stood up for your sister-in-law when Laura talked shit about her.
You should have told Jennifer, under pain of death, that she never bring it up on-camera.
You should take accountability for your actions.
You should tell everyone the truth.
You should get your lip fillers deflated a little bit.
You should do a lot of things, but you wont.
