The Real Housewives of Miami
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Nothing happened in the first 15 minutes of this program.
I say this as a compliment.
Just look at everything we got in that time.
All the ladies sit down to breakfast and Lisa tells them they will play a game.
I sighed because these shows keep being like, Okay, I have a game.
Were going to go around the table and say the person who is the fugliest.
Its all of you.
No, this was a real actual game.
Lisa broke the group into three groups of three for a scavenger hunt.
Immediately the most fun trio is our Cuban ladies: Alexia, Marysol, and Dr. Nicole.
Instead, they find her dildo, or as the Cuban Teresa Giudice mispronounces it, a dildu.
All of them should!
But its dwarfed by a really sweet moment between Marysol and Nicole post-hunt.
Finally, after theyve given up, Alexia finds the switch.
They were automatic all along.
If Alexia is here, then Franklin Lakes is missing its Teresa.
Thats kind of it.
We have plenty of fun in the rest of the episode too.
Nothing ishappeningnecessarily, but I LOLed.
This is what I love.
I could have a whole show of this.
That doesnt mean there wasnt drama and conflict.
This is what I love about the ladies of Miami.
Find you a cast that can do both.
All of the major conflicts happen at dinner.
(Seriously, who keeps letting in the elephant and why doesnt it know its own address?)
They cheers and get over it.
It seems like another nice, light Miami moment, and then things start to really turn on Marysol.
When they debunked it, it was then Alexia who took all the heat for Marysol spreading rumors.
Then, shockingly, Alexia enters the chat.
Marysol acknowledges all of this and says she shouldnt have done it.
She didnt have to.
She just waited until she met Meghan King Edmonds at BravoCon and let her do the dirty work.
Oh, that wasnt a PI.
That was someone working forSecret Bearmagazine, which takes photos of hot hairy men in their native habitat.
Julia also says that she talked to someone who said that Marysol wanted Adriana dead.
Marysol knows immediately that it is her ex and that they had a very contentious breakup.
Julia lets us know that she has been hanging out with him and theyre quite close.
Why is it that I can only picture Julia hanging out with women and goats?
I cant imagine her in the company of men at all.
But, yeah, thats really shady.
Adriana even invokes the name of Lea Black, and we know where she got her last name.
Yes, as always, she turns the conversation to Lenny.
Kiki, for one, is no longer having any of it.
Based on what weve seen so far this season, nine out of ten statisticians agree.
The tenth is Lennys cousin, so he doesnt even count.
Lisa immediately breaks down and says that she is in the thick of a messy divorce.
Because you wont shut up about it.
I get Kikis frustration.
She says she wants to hear about what Lisa is up to.
They want her to succeed on her own without a man.
They also probably want to stop hearing about Lenny.
She wants women to hear her story and be empowered by it.
Which story is that?
The one where she was tortured by the Boob God during her contentious divorce?
I dont know if thats as empowering as she thinks it is.
Lisa says she first needs to stop feeling anger and resentment toward Lenny.
Can I suggest, I dont know, a therapist?
They have to listen to you talk about all your inane shit for hours at a time.
This sounds like a good compromise.
Theyre not letting Lisa or anything get them down.
Theyre enjoying the sun, the cocktails, the breeze that smells like adult diapers and Ben-Gay.
