The Real Housewives of Miami
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Its usually called My Parents Money.
Is using another cultures spirituality so that you could excel at a reality-television program cultural appropriation?
I had braids my whole life.
Ive had braids since I was a kid.
My grandmother is Moroccan.
Larsas family is from Syria and Lebanon.
Is sheBo Dereking those braidsor is it allowed?
Should we cancel Larsa even while the Countess, whodid literal blackface, still has a job?
We hear about these braids as everyone is going from the airport to the hotel.
Well, not everyone.
Without Marysol, Alexia has no one to blindly back her bullshit.
She actually needs to get along with the other women.
Without Marysol, Larsa also needs to find new allies among the cast.
The four meet up with Andre, the water park butler, at the Baha Mar resort.
This is the best job title and perhaps the best job description I have ever heard in my life.
Could I sign up for a Water Park Butler correspondence course at DeVry?
Because I feel like this may be my calling and I need to get certified.
The four women go down a waterslide in a giant flower-shaped floatie with five seats.
Who gets so lucky that they just get to sit with the Housewives on a water ride?
The other ladies are the Golden Girls, even though Larsa has never seen the show.
That makes total sense because Larsa is not a friend.
She would not travel down the road and back again.
Her heart is not true; she is neither pal nor confident.
[Key change] AND IF SHE THREW A PARTY … okay, okay.
Oh, the tedium and exhaustion of this man.
Lisa also complains that she doesnt know what to do with a new D once she finds one.
Immediately the curtains start to move.
She calls Adriana in and tells her that its already working.
The spirits are doing something.
Has this high-end gay never stayed in a nice hotel before?
Thats not witchcraft, honey, that is luxury.
That isnt black magic, its technology.
She hasnt been feeling well.
She gained some weight.
She cant get out of bed.
Um, Marysol, thats just COVID.
The evil eye didnt make you test positive, the Omicron did.
(Heres me singing the Omicrons gonna get you, like itsa Gloria Estefan song.)
Both Alexia and Marysol say that they believe in the evil eye and dark vibrations and all that shit.
They say that people thinking evil thoughts about you’ve got the option to affect your life.
I dont know, girls.
Maybe its just karma.
Maybe you dont need to kill a live chicken to lift the curse.
Maybe you just need to, I dont know, be nicer?
Nicole brings out one of those card games where you ask people questions.
This usually ends in tears, but the ladies engage lightheartedly, as the game intends to be played.
When Adriana starts talking about her porn consumption, she says she likes to watch DP.
(If you dont know,now you know.)
Julia immediately starts shouting, What is DP?
As Julia points out, English isnt her firstorsecond language.
She probably cant even guess what the initials are.
Also, shes a lesbian.
There hasnt been one D in her bed in a long time, nonetheless two.
hey, someone, take pity on the Russian lesbian and just tell her!
Just as theyre starting to get somewhere good with their feelings, who shows up?
Marysol M-er F-er Patton to yank that dynamic back where it belongs.
Yeah, bullhorns dont usually work for our women.
Look how it turned out for Kenya Moore.
Wait, has Marysol been the witch all along?
