The Real Housewives of Miami
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I have a 6-year-old niece who recently rolled her ankle getting out of her mothers minivan.
When asked about her injury, she said, I think Im going to need crutches.
That nieces name is Adriana.
She behaved better than Adriana in this episode if you could believe such a thing.
Here is an entire hour about what an unserious person Adriana is.
That was cut short by Marysol showing up with a bullhorn andJill Zarin-ingthe proceedings.
It quickly goes sour after that.
As I always say, all fights on the show are about the show.
She explains this, because she wants to prove what a good friend she is to Marysol.
Know how good of a friend she is?
I mean, that is the bare minimum.
That minimum is so bare that Instagram flagged it for violating its community guidelines.
Then she adds, Know what he told me?
He said he never loved you.
What in Lady Gagas pinkChromaticais this?
Why would you ever tell her that?
And you think it wouldnt hurt her now?
And what does Adriana have to combat that?
Something about high cholesterol and how she will die of a stroke.
Then everyone is at dinner on the beach, and the whole thing starts all over again.
someone shouts, but Lisa has to get on her phone and actually see it.
Things really kick off when the conversation turns to thebotanicaagain like they did in thelast episode.
I dont remember that, but it is so Larsa to twist Adriana being like, Bitch, no!
into calling someone a bitch.
Its like when Marysol and Alexia call each other bro.
Theyre not male siblings in reality.
Anyway, Larsa and Adriana briefly get into it.
but the emergency is that she just has to go pee in the ocean with her skirt hiked up.
I mean this both literally and figuratively: Never change, Kiki.
Adriana then goes over to the healer that Nicole ordered to do a Rage Release Ritual after dinner.
She asks the healer, What is wrong with me?
Why doesnt anyone like me?
The reason isnt other people.
The reason is you.
This is when Adriana hurts her ankle and goes full-on 6-year-old with crutches.
She wants Dr. Nicole to examine her.
She wants a walking stick and Julia to move to a chair.
She needs an EMT to carry her to her room while tripping all over her flowing dress.
She needs painkillers, an ACE bandage, and, yes, more attention.
Of course it was.
If it is, that is amazing.
Heres the thing: No one believes that Adriana is that injured.
That is a stunt so extreme that it will get you cast onRuPauls Drag Race.
The problem is that the demand for attention does not fit the injury.
I almost broke my foot into a million pieces, she tells everyone.
Um, no, she didnt.
She sprained her ankle.
If she just sucked it up, everyone would praise her for being a trooper.
Instead, she just looks like a chump milking it for attention.
She can totally go in!
Its time for her to throw down her crutches and say, Im healed!
Instead, she tells everyone she could have lost her foot.
Literally anything in the universe could have happened, but it didnt.
Alexia hates how she always plays the victim.
hey, Adriana, do not make me agree with Alexia, the Latinx Giudice-Ruelas.
Its an accident that could have happened to anyone, she tells Adriana.
Adriana responds, But accidents have consequences as you know with Frankie.
This is not the way.
This is definitely not the way.
That blow is way too low.
That blow is below the sand.
It is below the waves.
It is below the krill and the plankton.
Well, at least until next week.
