The Real Housewives of Miami
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This week was all about parties: gay brunches, Champagne and oysters, house coolings.
Whats a house cooling?
Returning to your old house is a bit like returning to high school after graduation.
Its familiar but different, and you really have no business being there.
Its like watching your slot machine after you walk away.
Before we get into the parties, there is one thing that I need to call attention to.
Lesbians gonna lesbian, even when theyre bisexual.
Steve was mad at me, but I thought,Why not do it again?
She must have attended the Erika Jayne School for Giving the Gays Everything They Want.
(DMs are open, Jonny!)
The talk of the brunch is that Larsa has permanent lady wood for her boyfriend, Marcus Jordan.
I have to say Marcus is hot.
The handsome face, the perfect beard, the deep voice.
Yeah, I get it, Larsa.
I would miss him when he was only gone for three days as well.
I have an inkling that not only applies to her emotional feelings but her physical/sexual ones as well.
You know Lenny never once asked, Does that feel good for you?
You know he just finishes on her tits, rolls over, and starts snoring immediately.
I feel that someone like Lenny should lose all of his money to his ex.
Cut in between the Gay Brunch is Dr. Nicoles meeting with Guerdy, Julia, and Adriana, a.k.a.
New Kids on the Block, a.k.a.
where is Jordan Knight these days anyway?
That seems like a lot, but remember Danielle Staub was engaged19 times, prostitution whore, table flip.
But then, when I heard more details about his absence, it just seemed weird.
He also saw everyone as they were leaving and said hi to them.
Well, if he could see everyone on the way out, why couldnt he just chill with them?
Also, he said it wasnt Nicole and Anthony he was avoiding or Adriana, so who was it?
I dont think theres a problem in their marriage like some others, but it does sound fishy.
Anyway, over Champagne and oysters, Nicole asks Guerdy what was up at the party.
Guerdy tells them about her breast cancer, and they all flock to support her.
Shes crying, Nicole is crying, Julia is crying, I am crying.
I would, too!
Larsa says, I have no idea what youre saying, to be honest.
Its a trump card, and she knows it, but is now the right time to play it?
While theyre screaming at each other?
Oh, Larsa, there is nothing that bad.
There is nothing as bad as what Guerdy is going through, and Larsa has no idea.
Thats why you cant be callous or ever think that what youre going through is the worst.
Guerdy says theyre done, and Larsa asks, What are you crying about?
I wanted Guerdy to yell, CANCER!
