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Crack open your PBR, kids Outer Banksis back.
And with the return of Netflixs YA treasure-hunting drama comes its special, sudsy brand of chaos.
Also, two of their dads were killed in the process.
Its mostly fine; they were both kind of terrible.
But that only lasts, like, one episode.
Soon enough, the crew is swept up on another adventure.
May their rift never heal!
What do you say, Pogues?
Are you ready to journey through another wild, ridiculous chapter in theOuter Banksstory?
Are you ready to suspend your disbelief within an inch of your life?
Are you ready to spend hours wondering to yourself,Do these youths ever shower?
The youths are unable to contain themselves at a land auction.
Twenty-five and older only, okay?!
Get the youths out of here!!
He even comes up with a plan to not overspend their money on the actual land.
This is all very thoughtful but why on earth would they let JJ also attend the auction?
JJ sucks (I love him), but the other Pogues shouldve known better.
Meatball spinoff, anyone?
Its obviously just another vehicle (dirt-bike pun, baby!)
Its honestly so much dorkier the longer it goes on; youll see later.
Now, you know this boy is not going to win the Enduro.
He makes a valiant effort, though.
But the Kooks are cheaters, so JJ loses the race and all the remaining Poguelandia 2.0 money.
Ah, Wes Genrette, another creep adult to add toOuter Bankss collection.
His son-in-law, Chandler Groff, however, lives to creep another day.
JJ and Kiara get the bends!
Like, of course they get the bends.
Honestly, how has someone not gotten the bends on this show yet?
JJ and Kiara hook up in a hyperbaric chamber!
I mean, they are in there for 12 hours, so why not?
Actually, there are lots of reasons why not, but Pogues are gonna Pogue.
JJ and Kiara proceed to break themselves out of that hyperbaric chamber and make a run for it.
This feels in no way plausible, but also, onOuter Banks, literally everything is plausible.
John B. recognizes the name and informs his friends of the crowns importance throughout history.
The Pogues press pause on what seems like an urgent situation to go surfing all day.
Its Swell Day, baby.
None of these things matter when the waves are good, bro.
Its the law in Poguelandia, which is made up.
(This guy should get a much bigger cut of the treasure than the rest of these fools.
Know your worth, Pope!)
There is a very dramatic kerfuffle around a turtle hatch.
(Remember, Kiara is an environmentalist first, a treasure-hunter second.)
Regardless: Ruthie, girl, GET A JOB.
The Pogues hide a dead body behind their sofa and get away with it!
Wild, but true.
Terrance tries to save Cleo from Lightner but winds up getting shot and killed.
JUST THEN, everyones favorite Kildare County law-enforcement officer Shoupe appears.
John B. thinks he and Sarah should consider her biological clock.
Even Sarah is like,Im 19, slow your roll.
Ah, John B.
He is a dummy, but hes our dummy, you know?
Rememberwhen he wrestled an alligator??
Spoiler alert: Its not the Blue Crown.
They wind up finding the Blackbeard item in the catacomb: a 300-year-old scroll.
JJ learned to read cursive!
He still hates it, but this is a big moment of growth from season one.
JJ learns hes been lied to his entire life while on top of a lighthouse!
The cursive JJ had to read?
Its a letter Wes Genrette wanted delivered to JJ in case of his own untimely death.
In it, he tells JJ to ask his own father about something called theAlbatross.
Luke has a wild reveal for poor JJ: He isnt his biological father!
And his mother wasnt his biological mother!
JJ is actually Larissa Genrettes son!
TheAlbatrossis the boat she died on!
And JJ is the baby believed to have died with her at sea!
And that means Chandler Groff is JJs real father.
It doesnt much matter anyway because the entire thing devolves into class warfare within the packed town hall.
Are all Town Council meetings like this?
JJ re-creates Beyonces Formation video.
JJ is a broken man.
You just knew he was not going to take the news of his biological parentage calmly.
See what I mean?
Not calm at all.
John B. accidentally sets his own boat on fire.
We come to this place for magic.
And that magic is John B. making the dumbest decisions possible.
Hilarious, no notes.
The Kooks remain the lamest villains in all the land.
What is the endgame here, folks?
I cannot believe that the scene with John B. worried about Sarahs biological clock was actually foreshadowing.
Say what you want, butOuter Banksalways has a plan, regardless of how insane it is.
Well, what do we have here?
Another creepy adult man trying to kill a teen out in the middle of the ocean, thats what.
When will the Pogues learn to never head out on a boat alone with questionable male figures?
(I hope never.)
And in turn, Groff throws him overboard and leaves him to die in the ocean.
Rafe convinces Sheriff Shoupe to let the Pogues follow Groff to Morocco.
I know that sentence seems like it is riddled with typos, but it is not.
All of them have reason to be arrested; two of them have felony charges against them.
Cleo refers to Sarah and John B.s baby as a Poguelet.
The single greatest giftOuter Bankshas given us.
Rafe pushes Groff down a well and yells, Checkmate, bitch!
I think we can all agree that Rafe is the best character on this show.
(He does not die.)
The checkmate, bitch thing probably sounded cooler in his head, but still, we love him.
The Cameron siblings have a healing heart-to-heart while mercenaries are trying to kill everyone.
I cried, okay?
Pope shoots Lightner in the head?!
Man, oh man, the Pogues have really corrupted this kid.
He does it to help his lady get revenge on the man who killed Terence, but still.
Get this kid away from his friends.
They are bad news.
(He might be joining the Marines, so well see!!)
JJ is murdered!!
By his father!!
He really dies!!
All of these Pogues should be dead.
And yet still, what a shock it is to see Groff stab his own son and walk away.
The remaining Pogues vow to get Groffs ass, and you know what?
I love this for them.
