The Golden Bachelor
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This week, the Bachelor mansion is terrorized by a home invader.
At least its the fun kind of home invader.
First-ever BacheloretteTrista Sutterlets herself right in and strolls into the living room.
I got the first date!
We drove in a convertible!
Playing pickleball would be a big part of their lives together, so these ladies better bring it.
April hits the ball into her face and then trips dramatically to the ground, whimpering over her ankle.
Gerry comes valiantly to her rescue, sitting beside her and fussing over her.
Rolls right off the tongue!
On hand to help with judging is the soon-to-be-coronated next Bachelor (le dauphin!
), tennis pro Joey Graziadei.
Your sacrifice in the name of Bachelor Nation will not be forgotten, maam.
She and Kathy ultimately claim the trophy and two consecutive smooches from the Gatch.
She gets the group-date rose in recognition of her own sacrifice in the name of Bachelor Nation.
Meanwhile, Theresa invites Kathy to chat with her about their miscommunication.
That makes me anxious.
That doesnt work for me.
Gerry must eliminate her!as is so often the implicit or explicit goal of these reality-TV squabbles.
Instead, Kathy says, I think she could be the one for Gerry.
Its just that shes really annoying to coexist with in the meantime.
Sweet, kind of!
As Theresa continues to equivocate, Kathy tries another tactic.
Can I just give you some friendly advice?
Kathy asks-slash-tells, Zip it.
A little later, Gerry checks in with Theresa about her reflections on whats happened between her and Kathy.
An SUV drops Leslie off all alone on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.
), first separately and then with Leslie riding behind Gerry, her arms wrapped tightly around him.
(She expresses this in a more romantic way, but you get the picture.)
In my business, we call this burying the lede.
Im going to need a full accounting of your ink, sir, like yesterday.
Gerry doesnt attempt to argue her out of it.
Apparently, our beloved Kirkland Signature Jenner is still in the running for the title of cant live without.
They make out real … mouthily.
She decides its time to put herself out there: She tells Gerry shes falling in love with him.
He kisses her in response, then tells her, Im in the same place.
Thrilled, Ellen cant stop pecking him with kisses.
My heart runneth over, she says in an interview.
If Ellen gets hurt, we ride (motorcycles, ATVs, hot-air balloons your choice) at dawn.
We will always be grateful.
