The Golden Bachelorette
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And good for you, Joan!
Out here knowing what you want.
Naming something a Fantasy Suite is super embarrassing anyway.
Just change this week to Private Chat Time.
Reality-TV viewers love private chats they cant know anything about.
This week, we finally leave the United States for Tahiti.
Or, more accurately, the island Moorea.
I have attempted to assuage my proxy guilt by readingmultipleWikipediaarticles.
It feels weird in 2024!
But then the U.S.illegally annexed Hawaiiin 1898, sohere we all are.
That makes sense, Joan; I also think you should have them there.
The producers wont spring for family, but theyll fly Nancy fromThe Golden Bachelorout to talk to Joan.
This feels very slanted toward Chock in a way I dont like.
The first date is with Guy, and this is where we learn that Moorea has a Sofitel.
Guy is the kind of person who says he feels like a million bucks.
Hes falling in love with Joan and thinks she looks like fricking perfection.
Stop seeing them right now!
Im not a boat guy.
They go snorkeling with stingrays and blacktip sharks.
They have dinner at a teeny table, perBachelorslaw.
Guy is very on board with this and supportive, and it makes me like him.
Chock gets the second date, and they get in an ATV.
Joan says, being from Kansas, Chock has probably done this.
For once, shes right?
What about Kansas makes you think of ATVs, Joan?
Not in a judgy way; I just think it would be fascinating.
Does she think everyone in Indiana cross-country skis?
Joan and Chock have a picnic in the dirt, a choice I do not understand.
They talk about how great the other one is, andI dont trust you, Chock.
I have literally been saying this since the first episode, and the vibes are still off with him.
What the hell, Chock!
You literally just have to say, We had a wonderful time getting to know each other better.
Does it still feel like shes going to pick him?
But maybe well all be surprised.
In Tahitian, la ora na means hello, so okay, Ill buy that.
This is mainly music, dancing (apparently called Ori Tahiti), and food.
The food looks extremely good!
Joan calls the breadfruit odd.
Maybe youre odd, Joan!!
But in a nice way.
He doesnt think he can get to the place where she wants him to be.
Pascal says he cares about her as a friend, but hes not in love.
Pascal has really surprised me over this season.
He went from the French man who couldnt do his laundry to one of the most emotionally vulnerable ones.
He feels so genuine with his emotions, which really highlights how fake Chock seems.
And then Guy is over there doing his thing.
Pascal leaves, Joan is no longer hopeful and is afraid shell leave with no one.
I guess well have to wait two weeks to find out because next week is The Men Tell All.
The only reasons Im looking forward to that are Charles and Jack.
