The Curse
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
I have given the finale episode ofThe Cursea total of three stars.
I could have given it five stars.
What does it mean for television to reach a satisfying conclusion?
What did we want from the final moments ofThe Curse?
It was a comprehensively batshit series that made few promises from week to week.
Dare followed by double dare.
I laughed a good amount.
What follows is not an account of what happened because nothing happened except everything.
Instead, its an account of what I think I saw and how that made me feel.
She pronounces eco like echo when Ive been pronouncing it eeko my whole life.
It made me sad, but the couple seem happy enough.
Despite the meager ratings, HGTV has greenlitGreen Queenfor a second season.
Over a Shabbat dinner led by him, he objects to Whitneys petty jealousy of Caras newfound quasi-fame.
Bizarro Asher is on Caras side: Who is anyone to comment on another persons re-trauma?
This is what he somehow learned from watchingThe Producers.
Abshir accepts the house, though not as gratefully as Asher would have liked.
Cara will never be mentioned again.
Fernando will never be mentioned again.
Well never find out who was stalking Whitney down the road in episode nine.
Ive been confused by this show before, but never bored.
I came to be bored with the finale.
An eerie sense of cinema verite crept into the production, and every scene was an hour long.
The hysteria surrounding this development feels appropriate and somehow understated.
If you want to be generous, you might call this scene Kafkaesque.
For some of you, Im sure this absurd development will be extremely your shit.
Perhaps, if thats you, youll find my bewilderment a little pedantic.
And I did laugh.
Yes, it was funny, but it was also stupid.
Perhaps you will then tell me that this was the point.
The stress of seeing her husband and future co-parent trapped against the ceiling is enough to induce Whitneys labor.
Of course, a floating husband was not in the birth plan she devised with her doula, Moses.
The only people who truly understand that Asher is falling up are busy delivering his son.
Not that that, or anything, matters.
They couldnt have stopped the inevitable.
Dougie, in his signature Ed Hardy shirt and Cuban heels, crumples to the floor and blames himself.
His family would have been spared financial ruin.
Gregor himself would have been spared the pain of being slowly forgotten upstairs.
Asher changed himself to become the man Whitney wanted and then wafted away from the Earth all the same.
None of it matters.
Not the passivity of your house or the hotness of your wife or the size of your dick.
Not the quality of your friends or the intensity of your phone addiction.
Give a little girl a hundred bucks or dont.
Give her father a house or dont.
Convince yourself that you owe something to the world and work hard to give it back or dont.
Life is the curse you cant outrun.
The show is stupid.
Caring is the curse.
Having babies is arguably immoral.
Dougie is a curse.
The show is the curse.
The show is calledThe Curse.
Correction: A previous version of this story incorrectly stated a seder when it was a Shabbat dinner.
