The Crown
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Its never a good sign when a royal romance is so tepid thatThe Crowncant even pretend to create drama.
The Prince WilliamKate Middleton relationship is a bore.
There, I said it.
The Middleton women spot Diana and William and have a brief exchange with the charismatic royals.
Prince William, however, has been spotted selling copies ofThe Big Issuein 2022and2023.
Back at the Middletons middle-class home, a mother-daughter chat ensues, though it hardly feels loving and supportive.
As in, Go bag yourself a royal prince.
Okay, Mum, whatever.
We then jump to Three Years Later, circa 2000.
William has turned 18 and is about to graduate.
True, Kate wasnt a blue blood, butshe certainly wasnt struggling financially.
But Lola never stood a chance because,unlike preferred royal spouses, shes not outdoorsy.
The two engage in friendly conversation.
You know, normal student-bonding topics like, Hey!
I live above you!
Did you know your security team checked my room for bugs?
Or how Kate did the samegap year program in Chileas William.
(Gee, I wonder how that happened.)
Suddenly, Lola and Kate realize its time for Williams long-overdue lesson in The Female Experience.
They remind him that, as women, theyre ogled, looked at and judged constantly.
Like what William and his friends enjoy doing to Kate whenever she walks by them.
She gets a new boyfriend.
William eats ramen alone in his room while watching Graham Norton on TV.
But there may be hope for these two yet!
William is then encouraged to switch concentrations instead of schools, which is what happened IRL.
What Granny calls affairs of the heart, William calls dating.
So, go after her, William!
Except for what the queen calls pursuing a girl, William calls stalking.
And the wayThe Crowntells it, there was nothing divinely ordained about William and Kates relationship.
If anything, it was orchestrated by an intrepid mother who engaged in a bit of stalking herself.
Andrews plan Caroles role in Kates decision-making remains murky at best.
The lack of clarity makes this topic ripe for theCrowntreatment, though.
Carole defends her underhanded behavior, insisting that she pushed her daughter toward William forhissake.
When you think about it, its pretty genius.
Especially when Carole whispers that she hears William is miserable and wants to leave university.
That news sends Kates eyes into panic mode.
But what did it really take for him to stay put and get serious?
Apparently, it was a late-night text from Kate Middleton, who asked him not to leave.Yawn.
Eve Best, who plays Carole Middleton, also portrayedWallis Simpson andfuture Hitler pal/Duchess of Windsor inThe Kings Speech.
