The Bachelor
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A specter is hauntingThe Bachelor the specter of drama.
Tahzjuan was the first axing.
Kylee, keep your bags packed.
Zach is clearly dedicated to his search for a wife.
This is all well and good in a perfect world, butThe Bacheloris far from perfect.
Zach comes off as the latter but doesnt want to put up with the former.
The problem here is the show is trying to have it both ways.
But the show also cant expect us to pull us in with petty, one-episode drama about Instagram followers.
I think the conclusion here is we and the show have to accept that this is a boring season.
If not, what was even the point?
Okay, rant over.
Lets get into it.
Katherine who is now nicknamed Kat, because weve officially replaced Cat-with-a-C gets the first one-on-one.
Another thing I will be making a final count of at the end of the season?
They stop to kiss.
They stop to dance with no music.
They stop to compliment each other on how hot they are.
At this point, theyre both going to be sunburnt, and I have no sympathy!
Zach tells her that sheislovable, which will unfortunately backfire when he ultimately sends her home.
But actually, maybe he wont!
She knows what fireworks mean, shes a player of the game!)
Time for the group date!
While were here, can we discuss how Genevies arm is miraculously healed?
And why wont they tell us what happened?
Did she fall out of one of those flimsy Bachelor Mansion bunk beds?
Was she put on the injury report after the fifth annual Bachelor Bowl?
Did stealing Zach for a sec get a little too rowdy?
This group date is a fish fry/party, which ischill, because Zachs a cool Bachelor, okay?
But nothing is really chill in Bachelor World.
But it all really kicks off when Kylee comes to steal Zach from Anastasia for a chat.
But Anastasia starts running around saying Kylee threatened to beat her up.
The ladies waltz into the after-party holding hands like everythings fine.
And initially it is.
Zach gets in quick makeout sessions with Kaity, Jess, Charity, and Gabi.
Lets stop lying: Thats all anyone on this show really cares about, but you cant admit it.
The first rule of Instagram followers is to not talk about Instagram followers.
They should really include that inThe Bachelorwelcome packet, but alas.
Ariel gets the group-date rose because she comforted him and told him her favorite color was green.
Its time for Brooklyns one-on-one, but before that, can I ask: When isThe Seniorettehappening?
Weve been seeing ads for this seemingly since pre-pandemic times.
Nevertheless, Brooklyn and Zach go ATVing, which is why he picked her, because she likes mud.
Have some standards, girl!
I love thematic consistency.
Zach takes it in stride, telling her hes blown away by her bravery.
After all that, they dance to an acoustic guitar player and she gets the rose.
Hey its stillThe Bachelor.
At the cocktail party, Zach immediately pulls Anastasia for a chat and sends her home.
Now Davia is freaking out and crying.
Careful, its spreading!
Obviously, the rose ceremony starts before Zach can give them any sort of reassurance.
Next week, were headed to London, where Zach appears to get COVID.
Time to mask up, Bahama Papa!
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