The Bachelor
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She was cheated on.
Shes too conventionally attractive to have ever been broken up with.
And yet, he cannot answer the question that matters most:Who the hell is Zach Shallcross?
During group dates, he is a detective, keeping his eyes peeled for any evidence of insecurity.
But who is Zach Shallcross when hes alone in hisBachelorhotel room?
What are we missing?
Lets get into it.
This week, the dwindling group has packed up and flown to Budapest.
But with back-to-back COVID weeks, Zach hints that theyve lost too much time together.
At least shes getting those post-heartbreak airline miles!
Kat is upset because shes never been rejected by a man before.
They go to the top of a viewpoint via afunicular, not a gondola got that, Kaity?
Call me when Zach and Kaity rhyme rose with grows in an A-B-A-B rhyme scheme.
Worst of all, its going to her mortal enemy, Brooklyn.
Zach and Kaity enter the evening portion of their date in Hungarys oldest bathhouse.
Zach starts the date by saying their connection leaves him feeling special, safe, and even …flabbergasted?
Clearly, when he actually likes a woman, Zach turns into an Orange County Benoit Blanc.
Zach gives his standard I cant fathom that response, but that doesnt work when Kaity startsreallycrying.
Maybe I understand these women more than I thought.
Greer, somehow, is still on her way to Budapest.
Shes stuck in aBachelortime warp.
Since the witch didnt work last week, the group date this week is a mentalist.
Zachs convinced: Shes getting the group-date rose.
Gabi says something like holy shiitake mushrooms instead of actually cursing.
She sounds like a Disney Channel character.
Zach finds it hot.
But, frankly, I have to hand it toThe Bachelor.
What a way to get everyone crying while not explicitly calling this group therapy!
Little do you know, Mr. Frenkel, there will beno sexthis season!
He says, Got it, and they make out.
Zach, deftly remembering theADHD discoursefrom last season, shuts this down immediately by asking about her family.
Of course, this makes them want to make out against the stairs.
Foolish Kat, dont you know you cant show that jot down of doubt around Zach?
Didnt you learn from Jess?
They solve this problem by kissing.
To summarize this entire date: insecurity = makeout sessions.
Gabi gets the rose.
At this point, how does she have tears left?
She wants him to meet her parents, which … what would they even talk about?
They start small talking about the weather, which is a sign that this is all going downhill fast.
Greer, he had you quarantined for a week just to dump you on national television!
He yelled at you for talking about sales!
Why is everyone still blowing smoke up Zachs already clean ass?
None of the ladies cares that Greer has gone home.
Frankly, they forgot she was still here.
Shes pretty shaky on the bike, but dont worry, because they find a hot-air balloon.
This date is actually all about unconventional forms of transportation.
Who packed all of that in theirBachelorwardrobe?
At the bathhouse, they chat with a couple whos been together for 35 years and therefore have wisdom.
Honestly, I dont know what anyone really said here because it was extremely difficult to hear them.
The boom guy was clearly trying his hardest, but his swimming trunks were falling down!
Also did anyone else notice the steam around them was very clearly edited in?
To this, Zach gets up and walks away because he needs to think.
Lasso him, Brooklyn!
Pretend hes Kat and rope his ass!
The girls have to watch Jesse and Zach shit talk them through a door.
Ariel and Charity get roses, so its finally time for Kats final round of tears.
Clearly, she did not think she was going home because her mascara is anything but waterproof.
Even Zach sheds a little tear but immediately sucks it back into his eyes because feelings arebad.
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