The Bachelor
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Oh mon Dieu, mon ptit Joseph!
Que sest-il passe??
Watching this episode, I felt something Id never felt before: concern for the Bachelor.
I do not know how this show has done it but they are making mecareabout theemotional well-beingof a Bachelor.
You people are making me care!
ABachelorman!Incroyable!!
Lets get into it.
Were in Montreal and Joey is feeling the responsibility and the weight of the competition.
People expect me to be.
He retires to a nearby picnic table to weep.
The women are performing enthusiasm for Montreal.
Lea says she wants to chug a gallon of maple syrup and ride a moose.
HELP!JE NE PORTE PAS UNE CULOTTE!!
There will be two one-on-one dates but the group date will be first!
If youre not going on the group date, you could be sure youre going on a one-on-one!
Im not sure what this does for us narratively, but theyre certainly excited about it.
Lea screams and pulls her pinky nail out.
Plus, the Canadian flag isnt blurred out!
I dont think I could name a single attribute about Jess.
She is from … the South?
And her personality is … yall?
Oh geez, things are not looking good for her going into the evening portion of the date.
This evening portion of the date is awkward as hell.
These women are cracking.
Everyone takes the opportunity to affirm Joey so he doesnt quit the season.
Kelsey A. tells him that shes falling for him and Joey says, Did you whisper that?
Jenn also tells him that shes falling for him and Joey is INTO Jenn.
This is a relationship thats persisted beyond my expectations.
She wants to know if hes willing to get a minivan and move to the suburbs.
Theres gotta be a way to make starting a family sound even the slightest bit cool.
Lexi knows that the connection is there but she needs to figure out how shes feeling about his timeline.
Jess sits down with Joey and introduces herself.
She tells him that shes very confident in how she feels about him.
The camera cuts to Joey and he looks fucking miserable.
Oh, Jess, this is not going to work out the way you think.
Joey tells her that hes not able to picture it with her.
He walks her out and while shes leaving, she asks him if she did anything wrong.
Oh, my dear little sweetie.
You were not long for this world.
Well see you in Paradise (most likely).
Joey freaks out with a producer and then tells the other ladytestants that he sent Jess home.
But he can feel things turning around.
Jenn gets the group date rose.
Its time for Kelsey T.s one-on-one date.
She has trouble opening up, her walls are up, shes guarded yknow that whole thing.
They head to Cirque du Soleil training headquarters for their date.
Their coach, Marie-Madeline-Marie or whatever, tells them that its about trust and creating a bond.
Theyre going to do that by spinning Joey around as much and as fast as possible.
Hes continuing to behave with Contesticle Energy, and Im into it.
They put him in a big wheel and he gets so dizzy he has to sit down.
I love this lil guy.
Meanwhile, back at the hotel, Lexi and Maria are drinking full glasses of champagne.
Lexi is thinking that maybe Joey is the right person for her but the timing is wrong.
Shes having to figure out what shes going to do.
All of this is too mature forThe Bachelor.
Kelsey T. and Joey head to the evening portion of the date.
She tells him about her relationship with her father and whoa, what is going on there?
?Im pretty sure the Bible doesnt mention California State.
She says, Thanks for listening and understanding and she calls him Joey-Jo.
She came on late, but Kelsey T. is here to play.
She gets the rose.
Its time for Marias date and ITS THE PRINCESS EXPERIENCE DATE!!!!
These two really do have a flirty energy.
She says he must have saved this date for his favorite Canadian.
when he repeats it.
They head to an airfield and get in a helicopter.
Maria is convinced shes going to have to jump out of it.
She tells him how happy he makes her and how he respects everything about her.
He says hell do anything in his power to make her feel special and loved.
Maria tells him that shes falling for him in ways she didnt expect and he makes hersohappy.
They head to another room in the theater and get a private concert from Feist.
1, 2, 3, 4-Feist!
She gets the rose.
Before we can get to the rose ceremony, Lexi has to sit down with Joey.
She says their connection is undeniable but theyre not on the same page in the same book.
She goes to Joeys hotel room and wastes no time telling him that this is all about timing.
It seems like Lexi was definitely in his top four, maybe even his top two.
But Lexi says you cant force someone to get on the same page as you.
He tells her that shes going to make an amazing mother and shes going to get everything she wants.
Time for the rose ceremony, there are only three roses on the pedestal and jaws drop.
Im excited for whats to come for Lea and Joey.
Daisy, Kelsey A., and Rachel get the roses.
Lea and Katelyn are going home.
Next week, Jasper, Canada.
No one knows where that is!
