The Bachelorette
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Its been a rough few years for us Bachelor Fans.
Folks, four episodes into Charitys season, I think I can confidently say:were back, baby.
Weve also got one of the most compelling villains weve seen in a while.
Brayden is certainly the most compelling villainThe Bachelorettehas had in years.
This episode opens with two pieces of shocking information delivered extremely casually.
First, Charity drops that were halfway through the season???
Its only episode four!
Are we down to an eight-episode season?
Is the franchise in that much trouble??
Eight episodes is a good idea; I just hope its not a harbinger for cancellation.
A shocking piece of information No.
2: Were just in Washington now.
But really, once again, Im totally fine with this development.
We do find out that this part of Washington is known for Bigfoot sightings.
Jesse Palmer excitedly tells us this information while the editors give him an Amateur Bigfoot Enthusiast chyron.
Jesse has a date card with Dotuns name on it.
Its a bungee jumping date, which means Dotun is afraid of heights.
When they come up, theyre giddy.
They even end up doing it a second time!
Why else do you think so many teens go on amusement park dates?
Ride a roller coaster with your crush; If you dont smooch after, it wasnt meant to be.
(Sorry, Warwick.)
Its a sweet, vulnerable, honest conversation the kind youd actually have when getting to know someone.
Sean says that its getting serious because hometowns are soon.
Hometowns are for the final four; weve got ten guys left.
Are we really going to cut through them that quickly?
Im not mad at it; Im just surprised.
Im also wondering if that means they knew itd be a shorter season order while filming.
Who made that decision, and when?
More importantly, is anyone else besides me interested in this?
Sorry, theyre introduced as Skamania Scouts.
I am forced to conclude that the scouts are ringers.
But thats fine because these girls are a fucking delight.
This is a vibe, and I love these girls.
They were clearly given the directive, Be a little stinker, and they ran with it.
Evil eye girl does anExorcistvoice after Sean calls them demons.
I want to adopt her.
The girls ask Charity, Who do you think is the smartest?
Charitys reply: Not Brayden.
Cut to Brayden eating some random mushrooms he found in the woods.
This is what I mean about the editors having fun.
Brayden is walking around without a coat on and says that hes asserting his dominance.
Yes, its annoying.
No, its not toxic, as Aaron claims.
That is exactly Braydens problem.
He has to do the most.
I truly do hate defending Brayden, an abandonedBratz Boyzdoll come to life, but hes not wrong here!
Then Braydens nemesis Aaron wins, and things get a little dicier.
Im going to transcribe Braydens quote in full because I think theres a lot to dissect.
He says, If she wants a cookie-cutter dude, thats your cookie-cutter dude right there.
But this is the only text we have, so its all we can go on.
I think this quote is a further illustration of that.
The thing is, were not in a normal dating situation.
I absolutely get that!
Shes an adult woman who can make her own choices!
And make her own choices she sure does.
Charity walks into the middle of another Brayden vs. Aaron showdown and pulls Brayden aside to see whats up.
Conflicts on this show are unlike conflicts youd have anywhere else, but you still learn how people argue.
Notice how Charity tells Brayden exactly how she feels: frustrated, sad, disappointed.
Brayden cant really do the same, instead just rambling about how hes not excited.
Charity returns to the cocktail party to tell the rest of the guys that she sent Brayden home.
Anyway, Joey gets the group date rose.
Later it comes out that her ex cheated on her, and thats why shes wary.
Xavier would want to do the same thing for his wife.
Hes getting a Ph.D. in biomedical science, hoping to research a cure for MS.
So, obviously, he gets a rose.
Hes hot, smart, and sensitive.
Calling it now Xavier will be the next Bachelor.
All the roses will be hand-knit.
When they finally notice him, John heads back to the couches.
to which he replies, This is cashmere.
This show is funny, guys!)
Brayden tells Charity he didnt like how things ended with her.
Shes done, though.
He says he wants to see to it she knows she didnt do anything wrong.
She laughs and says, I know it wasnt me.
This is Braydens last-ditch attempt at making himself the main character, and I am officially done defending him.
This is a bad move, plain and simple.
He confronts Brayden as he tries to march back to the party bus (??)
he rode in on, demanding that he apologize to everyone.
My dude, Brayden is singing One Song Glory over the trashcan fire in your brain.
Hes squatting, and hes not moving out.
We head to the rose ceremony, and there are only three roses to give out??
I guess we really are getting down to the wire.
Aaron, Tanner, and Sean get roses.
Caleb, Michael, and John are going home.
Even sweet Xavier is crying to see his friends leave!
Yes!!!!
Feed me the tears of the handsome boys!
Dont worry, gentlemen.
Youll clean up onBachelor in Paradise.
