Survivor
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The first new thing is that everyone is speaking in the third person.
Survivoris Bhanus life, says Bhanu.
He was not lying about being a legend because this first episode was all about his legendarily bad gameplay.
I always hate the arbitrary tribe names.
There is not one of these from past seasons that I can remember.
Cant we just call them by colors?
This year, Siga is green, Nami is orange, and Yanu is purple.
Who picks these colors, and why do they make the tribe dress in them?
Imagine showing up and being forced to rock purple or (God forbid)orangefor the next 21 days?
No one looks good in orange.
This is what makesSurvivorso fun to watch, he says.
Yeah, Jeff, we know.
Weve been watching this M-er F-er for more than two decades.
How about you apply a little creative writing workshop and show rather than tell?
There is a great twist on the challenge, though.
More consequences, better TV, everyone wins.
Well, not everyone.
Only one team, and that is Nami.
Siga comes in second, and Yanu comes in last.
What they fail to realize is that the remaining letters spell out Hey, assholes, its right here!
It actually says Dig Under Lock and while they look under the lock they do not dig.
Thats a big fail.
I wonder if there was some rule about applying savvy to this task as well.
He says, Last time I checked, several means seven.
Dude, what are they teaching you in Las Vegas?
Jelinsky throws the hourglass across the beach.
Bro, this is not six seasons ago when you could break the hourglass and all decisions are reversed.
Now, I am all for a considered surrender, especially when it comes to immunity challenges.
When its an individual game and there is some balance challenge, Im bailing after 30 seconds.
Thats just setting up your character, and Jelinskys is already lacking.
After the tasks, we focus on meeting all the players and their insecurities and abilities.
We get to another new thing about this season: everyone is naming their alliance.
When Ben and Charlie cant figure out the puzzle, they name themselves theDumb and Dumberalliance.
When Jelinsky and Kenzie team up, they call themselves the Shaggy and Daphne alliance.
(They were voted Alliance Brian Would Most Like to Snuggle Between in the Shelter bySurvivor Recappersmagazine.)
When the three girls at Siga add Charlie to their alliance, they call itCharlies Angels.
When did we start giving alliances names?
And why are all of the alliance names based on TV shows and movies?
I dont like this one bit.
That said, Bhanu already annoys me, and I would like to see very much less of him.
The same goes for Kenzie and also Jelinsky, who I no longer have to worry about.
Nami decides to roll a shot in the dark die.
If she does, they both get an extra vote, and the skull loses his vote.
Jelinsky pulls the skull, and Tevin pulls the vote.
He might have an extra vote and is lying to us.
But no one said that.
They know Jelinsky gave up and sucks more than several (not seven!)
black holes, and they all know he doesnt get a vote, honey.
Theres even more action at the Yanu.
Tiffany finds the Beware Advantage, which is a box with a key.
Then, she will get further instructions on finding a key.
As is customary, she now loses her vote.
I feel like its time for a change up on the Beware Advantages.
Everyone knows that you lose a vote when you find one.
Why not say, Whichever player this idol is used on loses their vote at their next tribal council.
This will go down as the most adorable challenge inSurvivorhistory.
Can we have the geckos at every challenge this season?
Can we have one just chillin at tribal council, keeping a watch on the jury?
Once again, Nami dominates the whole challenge.
Its down to the puzzle between Siga and Yanu, which has Jelinsky and Jess on the puzzle.
Naturally, Yanu shit the bed.
This is clearly the right move.
Then he changes his tune and says that he quit.
How can you be an ally to a person who even quits his rebuttal about how he didnt quit?
They very rightly vote him out.
Im sorry, but how comfortable can you be?
You werent even there long enough to get over the let lag, my dude.
But at least the third person to speak in the third person went home right away.
We need to end this new trend immediately.
