Summer House
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Though it is starkly the middle of the winter, I am finally back in my happy place.
(Isnt all television national these days?
Is it even television if we all just watch it on our computer screens?)
There are lots of changes in the house.
Wheres the drool emoji when I need it?
The other newcomer is Jesse Solomon (always both names!
Jesse Solomon is six-feet-five, which makes him taller than Carl.
He shows up with a giant smile and looks like a Barrys Bootcamp instructor (derogatory).
The women of the house do a perfect job explaining the two guys.
When they have a moment alone together at the Fourth of July party, Amanda says, West fucks.
West knows where your clit is and Jesses on your left lip being like, Is this it?
Paige then joins in with, Jesse asks, Did you come?
and West knows that you did.
Thats exactly it; thats the difference.
See, this is why West fucks.
West is a dude.
(West wants to ride cowgirls no matter how much I wish it otherwise.)
He gets in the kitchen to make dinner and asks Ciara where a strainer might be.
Honestly, whos to say?
Why cant all men be like West?
(What is Craig if not a puppy that can talk?)
Paige tells us that in Italy, Craig had to Google rigatoni.
If youre eating pasta in Italy, dont even worry about the shape.
I promise you it is going to be good.
This is the dumbest decision you ever told me.
Its dumber than the soccer team, its dumber than the restaurant.
Youre going to lose all of your money, and Im not marrying a broke man.
Maybe it’s possible for you to get Craig to embroider it on a pillow.
Oh, and its where we meet the third new guy in the house.
I have never wanted to be a plush banana so bad in my life.
Kyle and Amandas story line this season is that Kyle thinks they arent operating as a team.
He says he wants to spend more time with Amanda, but she says its his own fault.
He works so much that she is always begging to hang with him.
Okay, I see that, but I feel like this is just how Kyle freaked out about marriage.
Kyle is a workaholic, always has been, always will be.
Amanda, well, is a Bed Sore Sister.
As for everyone else in the house, they didnt do much.
What was really missing from the episode were Lindsay and Carl (a.k.a.
Who gets invited to the White House?
Thankfully, Carl was there to say, Were Z-list compared to Ariana.
At least one person in this relationship gets their position in the world.
I wonder whats different?
Thank Gosh and Golly for this because without it we wouldnt have a show.
Let me just say, everyone is having a good time, Gabby tells Larl.
We know that youre missing, but the vibes are really good.
Lindsay, when I tell you it feels like a totally different house, its totally different.
Um, this is not what Lindsay wants to hear.
Have you ever met this woman?
Thats what Lindsay wants to hear.
