Summer House
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No, its not even the unorthodox sleeping arrangements (but well get to those).
I think he is the perfect man.
I dont care what he says; his abs still look amazing, even as he approaches 40. song with his wife.
I mean, did you clock that song?
It has a call-and-response.
I want to sing jingles about Kyles Cock.
(Sorry, I couldnt resist.)
The mullet is the one thing I can not, will not, and should not defend.
Amanda gives it an Airwrap in their bedroom, but not even a Dyson can save this thing.
I see what Kyle is doing.
He is trying to bring back the party by growing it out in the back.
Sadly, it won’t go.
This year, the mullet isnt the only thing new in the Hamptons house.
First, we have three brand-new members.
First up is Gabby, who is a friend of Paiges.
The screen chyrons tell us that Gabby is a fashion editor.
I am highly skeptical of this as a title, as it also lists Paige as a fashion contributor.
If this is how fashion is contributed, then Im not sure exactly how Gabby edits it.
(Just a quick kudos toSummer Housefor havingthreeBlack women and one Latina in the cast.
The other female newbie is Sam, a.k.a.
Samantha, who is only 25 and a friend of Amandas somehow.
Shes only six years younger than Kathryn.
Finally, there is Chris, a friend of Kyles who is a former Marine.
Chris is hot and seems like a good time, but I have several issues.
While he is hot, he is not Andrea Denver hot.
He is not Luke Gulbranson hot.
Hes not even That Ripped Dude From Last Summer That We All Forgot hot.
Hes just hot, like a hot dude you see out at a bar.
Do better, Bravo.
But where are all the dudes?
As Carl says, its like these three and about a million women in the house.
The biggest revelation in the first episode, though, is about where everyone will sleep.
Apparently, the house is only zoned for five bedrooms but had been operating with nine of them.
Now downstairs, they turned one into a gym with one sad weight bench.
The other is a sitting room with two chairs and a coffee table.
Bravo must be pissed.
The whole thing seems crazy.
This is their third summer in this house.
They put Mya, Paige, Gabby, and Ciara in the primary suite with two king beds.
With all of this newness, the additions that have the most consequence are Carl and Lindsay.
I can see why!
Carl and Lindsay want to be sober.
Sorry, kiddos, but that is not happening.
The main issues arent with Lindsay, shockingly, but with Carl.
Yes, you read that right.
They were at a party!
And it wasnt illegal!
This is going to be a delightful summer for everyone.
The biggest story, though, is what is going on between Mya, Lindsay, and Carl.
Apparently, the crewwas onFamily Feud.
I think Carl was more important to Mya than the ganja.
Wait, maybe the four bedrooms fell into that sinkhole?
Thats not what she did.
Who knows what Carl thinks?
When he and Mya have a chat, Carl says that Lindsay is his priority.
Thats as it should be.
But it seems like they are prioritizing each other at the exclusion of everyone else.
Carl is holding onto Lindsay as his last chance at a happy sober life.
Lindsay is holding onto Carl as her last chance at getting a husband and a family.
