Summer House
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
I know I sound like a glitching Furby with only one setting, but I love thisSummer Houseseason.
Its just so fun!
I also love how each week the roster is slightly different.
(Sorry, Gabby, but I havent really missed you.)
And then West is at a wedding, so hes not around.
Also, the hilarity is there, and we cant forget it.
Craig goes downstairs to get him and tells Kyle that hell never believe what they found in his room.
A gigantic dildo?, Kyle asks.
How would my imaginary husband who just defended his cold and shrunken wiener to his wife immediately go there?
Why would there be a giant dildo in his room?
Is it to compensate for his own shrinkage?
Speaking of funny, what about every single one of Paiges confessionals?
(This Bed Sore Sister does her best work sitting, rather than laying, down.)
I am going to write the quote in totality because it made me LOL IRL.
And that sounds beautiful, and I would so watch that on Lifetime, I really would.
But this is real life, and you two dont really like each other.
Youre doing amazing, sweetie.
Then there is Paige and Craig.
It was like he was a gay porn fantasy.
He is really one lousy tribal tattoo away from starring in an automotive-themed 2009 Raging Stallions film calledDrive Shaft.
But theyre the couple who is serious and considering the next steps.
Then we have the brand-new couple: West and Ciara.
Theyre going slow, like Ciara wants, but theyre just so adorable together.
West is talking to Amanda about their situation and says that Kyle keeps giving him advice.
Dont listen to Kyle, Amanda says.
Just because hes married doesnt mean he knows what he is doing.
But its like we have every stage of coupledom represented on the show.
And then there is Lindsay and Carl, a.k.a.
Larl, and, well, they are a couple that is imploding.
They know it, we know it, and Paige definitely knows it.
The little bit of drama we have in this episode springs from their relationship in an indirect way.
Were all at home bracing for it.
This is the big moment.
When one bro asks another bro to fulfill their bromance by asking him to be his best man.
Will you be a flower boy at our wedding?
Is that even a thing?
Sure, there are flower girls, but a flower boy?
Cant we at least call it a flower guy for some alliterative effect?
For a second, I thought,Know what?
Maybe this is cute.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Kyle immediately asks if there are going to be groomsmen, and Carl says yes.
Then Kyle asks, But Im not a groomsman?
But Im not a groomsman?
Kyle asks again in disbelief.
He cant fathom it.
Now hes a glitching Furby who can only say one thing.
What Carl did is low.
It doesnt seem right.
Carl tells us in confessional that he felt Lindsay didnt want Kyle in the official wedding party.
And that is her right it is her wedding too.
But doesnt she realize that this is a demotion, and Kyle would take it as such?
But here is the difference between guys and girls.
But he says hes going to suck it up and just do it because thats how boys are.
Sweep those emotions under the rug and get on with it.
Is Kyle a groomsman?
Jesse Solomon (always both names!)
Carl responds that hes in the wedding party.
So hes not a groomsman, Jesse Solomon clarifies.
Carl says no, he is a flowerluchador.
Okay, we need to give it up for Jesse Solomon, shit-stirrer extraordinaire.
Thats why he always gets away with it!
Yes, we all want the answer, even West.
Later, Ciara jokes to him that her boyfriend isnt there that weekend, which also means West.
Carl officiated his wedding, and theyre making him a flower girl?
I wouldnt even go if you said that to me.
I would slap you in the face and say, Have a nice wedding.
Remember how annoyed Danielle was that she wasnt a bigger part of Lindsays proposal?
Imagine if they were still besties and Danielle was relegated to ring bearitrix?
All of Sag Harbor would have been wiped off the map!
The rest of the episode is Paiges catered Italian dinner.
(What do women of leisure do?
she asks as she sits on the couch as a team of professionals prepares her event.)
Im sorry, but this is how all the dinners should be.
Paige is paying $8,000 a month in rent.
None of us want this summer to end.
Well, except maybe Larl.
