Southern Charm
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Sorry to the falling NBCUniversal stock price, but there just wont be.
But this is not the same thing.
As usual, the episode catches us up on where the cast has been since last season.
I will move out, Paige says, not being hyperbolic or wrong in the slightest.
However, Craig needs to rethink his whole outlook on this relationship.
Paige does not want to move to Charleston; I dont think she even wants tobein Charleston.
Um, Paige wants no business being friends with these two.
Paige would just as soon hang out with all ofBama RushTikTok.
Next, we move to Madison.
No, not the town in Wisconsin your favorite drama-loving hairdresser.
Wasnt she living in a two-bedroom bungalow just last season?
But after buying this giant-ass house, its no wonder shes inside cooking Cup O Noodles.
The big addition to Madisons life is not the house; its her husband, Brett.
A newTwo Judgey GirlsMarch MANness winnerjust dropped.
Oh, did we mention hes also a firefighter?
There are commutes and then there arecommutes.
Cant he see about doing his job remotely?
Cant he just order the hoses around on Zoom?
But, I mean, hes still hotter than Brad Pitts taint at an August barbecue.
Austen also says, What does he have that I dont?
Since he asked, here is a list:
Now we move on to Austens house.
Honestly, I spent this scene looking at the decor of his apartment.
Under that is a tiny littleMortal Kombat IIstand-up arcade console.
Theres a quick check-in with Taylor and Olivia, a.k.a.
the Bland Ambition Tour.
Who else do we need to check on?
Venita has a new man named Manny, but he is also long distance.
Is there literally not one suitable mate for a reality-television professional in this whole town?
(Just ask my belly and the SPF-5 Ive been applying all summer.)
Yeah, great role model there.
Hang that guys portrait in your store.
At least were one episode in and Leva has already left her kitchen this season.
and gives a little speech.
Then Austen chimes in and says, If I could just say … and then stops.
Then Madison goes, No.
Give a speech, and everyone is like, Oh, Jesus.
But couldnt she have picked better?
Maybe a his-and-hers sex toy?
Maybe something you’re free to use through the computer?
The rest of the party plays out just as you think it will.
Shep says hi to Taylor and theyre both frosty to each other.
She says he was being derisive of her, but we see no indication of that.
Im not saying it didnt happen, just that we didnt see it.
The only altercation comes at the very end when Taylor gets mad, not at Shep but at Craig.
Ah, doy, Taylor.
Hes your exs bestie!
You lost in him the divorce!
Craig explains this to her, and she says, But hes a fucked-up human being.
You should have known.
Maybe I shouldFinish Him!!!
Craig explains he wasnt laughing at Taylor; he was laughing at what an idiot Shep is.
How much more support could she possibly want from a dude whose loyalty is actually to his friend?
As Craig points out, he could have just let Shep fuck that girl and not intervened at all.
And now hes getting yelled at because of it.
I dont know, friends.
I dont know if we have a season.
