Southern Charm
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The Love Rhombus continues apace and, honestly, I am exhausted.
I have no idea what were fighting about, who is mad about what, who is projecting what.
To break up the fight, Madison goes to the bar with Venita and Austen.
Olivia drags her chair to the end of the table and starts getting into it with Taylor.
Olivia, like many of us, doesnt understand what is going on in Taylors head.
This time it is using Austen to have a go at make Shep jealous.
She just did this a week ago.
Taylor says she keeps apologizing to Olivia and thats not enough.
Meanwhile, shell just continue playing the victim and talk about how she was verbally abused.
She spent three years dating Shep and she thinksthisis verbal abuse?
Taylor takes that incident and says, I made a dig and I own up to it.
But you shouldnt have made the dig in the first place.
Im sure Taylor is a great, God-fearing woman, but she doesnt seem like a good friend.
So I hate you for that.
And I hope it was fucking worth it.
Is making out with Austen worth it?
It couldnt be me thinking that.
They decide to leave and the group has to split between two buses.
Austen and Craig are trying to decide where to go.
This is JT, Rod, and Taylor, Craig says, inspecting one bus.
Austen says he doesnt want to be in that one; he wants to be in the other.
Madison is on the other bus and shouts at Craig, Come in here, home-wrecker.
Madison stays on fire.
This is my, Get in, loser, were going shopping.
Its my two favorite things, wrecking homes and talking shit!
Madison doesnt leave it there.
She says she only stands up to talk, is super nice to women, and hates Austen.
I would really believe it was JT, except shes got to be two inches taller than him.
But what is up with all of these boys and theirGaranimalsbathing suit sets?
The next day, JT has on another one.
Is this what happens when straight men dont have women to dress them?
In the morning, everyone gets up and texts their besties to see where theyre at.
When we see the iPhone screens, we see how many unread messages they have.
I have, um, zero.
What is wrong with these people?
Clear out your damn messages already.
JT meets up with Taylor and says that hes going to keep defending her no matter what.
What she did to Olivia is indefensible.
Why is this the hill that Mini-a-Lago is going to die on?
Meanwhile, hes talking about how she has one imperfection and its a zit on her nose.
She does a back flip off the boat and JT is like, That was perfect.
Dude, she wants to climb Mount JT like Captain Sardine wants another charter full of drunk white people.
Actually, lets get a show about this whole crew.
They seem like a good time; they danced with the cast and gave them plenty of side eye.
Lets give this a straight-to-series 20-episode order, shall we?
when that came out.
Im not going to go through a whole production.
Of course Shep is bad in bed.
Of course he is a selfish lover.
Of course he has never given an orgasm to someone other than Captain Sardine.
(Captain Sardine is what Shep calls his dick.)
Of all the obviousness that I needed answered on this here show, this is not it.
When they return, Shep, Craig, Austen, and Madison head up to Whitneys presidential suite.
He didnt go on the booze cruise because he was back at the hotel working.
The 200 gold bars he spent he invoiced to Haymaker Productions.
Somehow this becomes about which of them should change as in their personalities.
Can we vote C: all of the above?
Craig tells Shep flat-out what the problem is.
Thats all of it right there.
I think that is what finally happened in this conversation.
He demonstrates this by having Whitney play the part of him and Austen role plays as Taylor.
This seems like a fight where theyre both mad because one behaved just like the other.
Thats what really happened, huh?
Is this a mini-Scandoval but without any of the intrigue, heartbreak, deception, or interest?
Is this Gluten-Free Scandoval?
In fairness, it is an excellent top.
Taylor has other plans for the evening.
When everyones seated she stands up to address the group.
(JT told her to do this.)
She says that she wants to put this whole thing to rest.
Is she going to say she fucked Austen?
Shes going to say they fucked, right?
Thats where its going?
Now its a Love Parallelogram, and I think I might hate it even more.
