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Sam Mendes ismaking four Beatles biopics, one for each Beatle.

The Beatles

Frankly, this sounds dull.

Music biopics are becoming the nadir of culture the new safe hit now that superhero movies are flopping.

Theyve become the awards-bait gambit thateveryone loves to hate.

Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band,there are the movies the Beatles actually made.

Theres fuckingYesterday.Its all been covered already, ground into the dirt by boomers like a Minion meme on Facebook.

That timethey all jerked off together.

Paul McCartney has told the story many times.

What we used to do, someone would say, Brigitte Bardot.

That would keep everyone on par, then somebody, probably John, would say, Winston Churchill.

and it would completely ruin everyones concentration.

Film sets are notoriously boring, and stars come up with all sorts of hobbies to keep themselves busy.

Joan Crawford knit, and the Beatles did this.

It should be in at least one for several reasons:

Queerbaiting is so hot right now.

As time goes on, the weird edges of stories tend to get sanded off.

All hero or all villain.

He was also horny.

The sensuality of the Beatles has gotten a little lost as their music essentially becomes childrens music.

Or at least the stuff parents and kids can both listen to.

But they honed their craft in German strip clubs.

And they cranked it to Winston Churchill, apparently.

You could soundtrack it to All Together Now.

Because Come Together is too on-the-nose.

John actually wrote a sketch about this for the revueOh!

Calcutta!So you know hed have been down.

Ringo is left-handed but plays a right-handed drum kit.

Which hand does the southpaw paw his south with, is what I wanna know.

Dont you want to see the Are sex scenes in films necessary?

discourse on Twitter go absolutely insane?

These movies seem pretty masturbatory already.

Might as well go whole hog, so to speak.

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