Perfect Match
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This is partBachelor in Paradise, partLove Island, and all chaos.
Im assuming $1 million?
I wonder if all Netflix stars are ushered into a Netflix WhatsApp group or listserv?
It seems like Kariselle simply slid into Joeys DMs, but you never know.
Francesca is the baddie of the bunch, and all the guys are interested, or at least intimidated.
Shy guy Dom and his painted nails manage to sail past the competition and match with her.
Too little, too late, pal.
During his run onThe Circle, Joey was a lovable GTL bro.
Its been about two minutes, but his energy onPerfect Matchseems much douchier.
I reserve the right to change my mind as these episodes progress.
Kariselle and Joey decide to give their on-again-off-again situation one last shot.
Kariselle wonders if its fate because what are the odds?
I hate to break it to you, girly pop, but theyre actually quite high.
Youre both Netflix reality stars and have hooked up before?
The thing about reality show producers is they do their jobs!
I actually believe him.
Id be building a barricade down the middle of the bed too.
The next morning, we play a rousing round of Fact or Cap and bless Iness bilingual heart.
She is like, what the fuck is a cap?
To be fair, I dont think Nick Lachey knows what it means, either.
From this game, its clear that Dom is disposable to Francesca.
This girl is here to win and is visibly annoyed when Nick and Savannah place first.
Savannah and Francesca are chasing the money.
It would not surprise me if Nick once had aSocial Networkmomentof his own.
The happy couple (?)
heads to the boardroom, and we finally get to lay our eyes on whos down the pipeline.
All the girls hate Joey on Kariselles behalf, so theyre focusing on finding her a new man.
Immediately I dread Damians eventual arrival, but luckily its staved off for another week or so.
Zays only line seems to be talk to me.
Calvin, in his confessional, tells us he wants someone to have his seeds, so theres that.
Kariselle returns to the villa hand-in-hand with Chase.
Joey loses it, predictably, and loses it even more when Chase and Kariselle start making out.
I already hate Chase, but I love him for the sake of this show.
Zay should take a page out of Chases book because I already forgot he was still here.
Kariselle goes back to Joey all she wants is attention!
and Chase moves on to the other ladies.
She goes for Chase!
Big mistake, big, huge, for her, delightful for us at home.
Calvin and Zay go home.
We start to see cracks in Nick and Savannahs agreement.
Nick is mad that Savannah isnt initiating anything, but does he not remember the start of their relationship?
Its public information that his first choice was Francesca, and he settles for Savannah.
Why would she be trying anything with you?
This alliance is one of strategy, not affection.
What a little snake!
Francesca is pissed she didnt win this challenge, and she and Dom regroup after.
These two are way too in their heads.
Savannah spots this crack in their foundation and is on a mission to break them up.
Nick says Megan Fox in herTransformersEra and Emma Watson because she went to Brown.
He is such a nerd, lmao.
The cast isnt sure if they should trust Chase.
Babes, you shouldnt!
Collude to get this boy OUT of here!
I am cackling at this point.
Chase is such a snake; Im obsessed with him.
Anne-Sophie is stunned and silenced by this maneuver and just … lets it happen, I guess?
She returns, alone, to the villa and relays what happened to the group.
Kariselle is out for blood, and Ines is pissed.
My eyes are rolling out of my head at this point.
Heres where things get confusing.
Lets slow it down.
So once hes back from his date with Izzy, Ines interferes for some face time with Nick.
She needs to plead her case.
Now hes curious and wants to see where matching with Ines will lead.
At the same time, hes excited about his new connection with Izzy.
Izzy isnt overjoyed by this information but appreciates Nicks honesty and wants to stay in the game.
Ines calls it the oddest double date shes ever been on, and shes right.
Now, Nick has to break the news to Savannah, who tries to manipulate Nick into choosing her.
Is Nick just going to let her go out like this?
Because Savannahs no longer safe with Nick, she saunters over to Dom to shoot her shot.
This does not make Francesca happy and she confronts Savannah over making a pass at Dom.
I am almost in tears when Savannah marches right back over to her to finish the conversation.
Anne-Sophie and Kariselle are simply spectators, watching these two girls throw jabs back and forth.
I am proud of Savannah for sticking up for herself.
Like, this is a reality dating show.
Shes not a home-wrecker.
And to make matters even more unbelievable, the next day Francesca literally ditches Doms ass for Damian.
Shakespeare himself could not write this.
The next morning, Ines reevaluates her situation and realizes its not working.
She was basically kept as a consolation prize.
Nick is already over her, and theyve only been paired for maybe 10 hours at this point.
This is how I describe the game: Imagine all theSurvivorproducers sitting around, spitballing ideas.
This game is like the beta version of a challenge thats eventually scrapped.
All that matters: Dom and Francesca win.
Everyones in good spirits and not taking it seriously.
Joey is proving himself to be the lovable bro we know and love, and Im so relieved!
The fact that theyre not jealous at all is surprising and refreshing.
Then, Francesca receives a dare.
She must eat a banana with another person,Lady and the Trampstyle.
Doesnt matter to Dom because this sends him over the edge.
Francesca skips the dare and consoles her sensitive guy.
In the boardroom, Francesca and Dom decide that Bartise (not Bartise!)
is the best match for Ines before Francesca pulls a Chase and picks Damian for herself.
I have to laugh.
This girl is crazy.
After all of that!
After engaging in World War III with Savannah!
She just leaves her man in the dust!
And speaking of Francesca, I fear that her date with Damian will scar Dom in a dark way.
You cant play with these sensi boys hearts!
My bet is that Kariselle and Joey win it all and maybe even get married.
