Perfect Match
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The night before Chloe and Mitch hit the board room, the house strips down and skinny-dips.
This makes Abbey very angry.
Abbey doesnt seem ready to be on this show.
She got married young, then divorced, and is still figuring it all out.
Abbey is trying to figure out Francescas motivation for kissing Kariselle.
Let me make it easy: Her motivation is that shes a schemer and treats this show likeSurvivor.
Mitch tells Dom hes going to pursue Georgia good luck with that and Chloe pairs herself up with Shayne.
They also send Diamond on a date with Bartise.
Chloe and Shayne play with a monkey named Keisha while rekindling things.
Theres nothing to say about Bartise and Diamonds date except that bringing this boy back was a huge mistake.
Abbey and Francesca have a one-on-one conversation in which Abbey admits shes fragile.
Again, this girl really shouldnt be on reality TV.
Will also tries something with Francesca.
Damian is still hung up on Francesca, and Ines is over it.
Shes escorting herself out of the house.
You were always too chic for this show.
Diamond and Will also depart.
Bartise and Abbey find each other.
I wouldnt call these two perfect, but theyre certainly a match.
Tonights couples:
We have made it to our final challenge!
This challenge serves as a check-in.
Are these couples on the same page regarding marriage, sex, relocation, etc.?
Surprising no one, Joey and Kariselle win.
Abbey and Bartise have a serious discussion post-challenge.
She insists that, by perfect match, she just means that shefucks withBartise.
Whatever helps you sleep at night, girl.
I truly dont know how else you could decipher Is this person your perfect match?
Abbey also proves herself to be a prude when the house discusses the questions posed to them.
Thats just not how I operate, Abbey says.
Im so over this holier-than-thou act.
Youre on a reality-TV speed-dating show.
Chloe enlists Georgia to help her win Shayne back.
Shaynes love language is words of affirmation, and she needs him to know hes the one.
Youre going to write him a poem?Georgia asks.
A rap, Chloe replies.
The two spend their day hard at work, writing and rewriting verses.
Screw these guys; I want them to end up together!
Imagining them rehearsing together is so pure.
When they finally perform their raps, Im absolutely giggling.
I love these girls!
The dates return, and LC immediately wants the house gossip.
Theyre very much giving sexually active band geeks.
I am also curious about Abbeys green dress and what I think is a Free People halter bralette.
I know contestants have to style themselves on reality shows, but this is bleak.
LC tells Shayne, out of nowhere, that she would be insecure if she were in his shoes.
Sounds like projection, girly pop!
He accuses her of celebrating his departure.
This is a leap.
Obviously, Chloe wasnt celebrating you leaving; she was celebrating Mitch staying.
And she wasnt pouring buckets of water over ShayneCarriestyle.
Nothing she says can convince Shayne she wasnt celebrating him leaving the house.
Hes obsessed with this idea and wont let it go.
Nick and Kariselle tell him to shed his ego and follow her.
Stop self-sabotaging, they plead.
How many times has this man threatened to walk out?
I cant keep track.
Hes in the thick of catastrophic thinking now, flinging out judgments about Chloe being with two peoplethatquickly.
Dom literally laughs and reminds Shayne he was with two people before Chloe too.
Yes, this is drama, but its much too dark.
Im concerned about how Shayne handles insecurity, and its not enjoyable to watch.
How are we supposed to root for Chloe and Shayne after that little show?
Chloe ends up sleeping with Dom and Georgia, and the night simply wraps up.
The matches:
The next morning, Shayne and Chloe sort it all out.
He apologizes for how he handled their fight and admits to self-sabotaging.
All Chloe wants is an apology, so they seem good to go for now?
Damian, who I think is wasted, chats up Savannah and Anne-Sophie.
Savannah attempts to fill in Damian with her feud with Francesca, but babe, he doesnt care.
Francesca clocks the conversation and is pissed.
She vents to Will and confirms she was eye fucking him the whole time he was in the house.
Will asks if she even feels 75 percent certain about her relationship with Damian.
Will cuts his losses and tries for Abbey, who rebuffs him out of loyalty to Bartise.
He tells Abbey that itshighly, highly, likelyhell choose her.
She could have been living her best single life!
This is literally not what shes mad about!
Shes mad at you for flipping the script.
He is such a prick!
And then he has the gall to use her words against her.
Lets rewind: Earlier in the day, Bartise tries to hook up with Abbey in their bedroom.
She reminds him of the camera in their suite and says … lets not.
She told him these things in confidence, and now hes weaponizing them against her.
Bartise meanwhile runs over to Izzy and says, Its me and you right now.
Yeah, no fucking shit you just got kicked to the curb by your other option.
Nick is also channeling big-douche energy.
He maintains that Francescas in the back of his mind, despite matching with LC.
Francesca immediately rejects his attempt to get with her, so back to LC he goes.
Nick needs to stop subscribing to this grass is always greener mentality.
Nerds who undergo a glow-up are the most dangerous of them all.
He asks her to be his girlfriend, and … this cant be good.
She whispers for him to sit down.
Oh, this isnt good.
She claims they never have in-depth conversations and dont know each other deep down.
After all of that!
Our final pairings:
Its the last day, and each couple gets their own day date.
Izzy and Bartise are never going to work.
Is Dallas to Manchester even a flight route?
Shes only 22, and he allegedly wants kids in the next four to six years.
Izzy says they work in the house but not on the outside.
Chloe confesses to Shayne that shes had some serious doubts, but she wants to make it work.
I think these two crazy kids might just make it!
Dom and Georgia, on the other hand?
I dont know why Im surprised, but I am!
He even called her dad, allegedly?
Are they still together?
Did they get married?
I have a million questions, and social media isnt giving me any hard answers, only hints.
Its finale time, and our final five couples are subjected to aSurvivor-style panel.
Because God rewards, this quickly becomes a Bartise bash.
Abbey relays what went down between them, completely blowing up Bartises spot in the process.
Francesca chimes in, saying that what Bartise did to Abbey he also did to Izzy.
LC and Nick are boring and admit they didnt find their perfect match, moving on.
Mitchell is heated about Chloe and Shayne and also asserts that he and Shayne are similar people.
Chloe says, Actually, Mitchell, theres a lot of differences between you and Shayne.
For example, you wanted me to wait eight to 15 years for marriage to make it have sex.
The woman was too stunned to speak.
Ines rushes to their defense, saying theyre flawless.
They tell Nick theyve found their perfect match, and I honestly believe it.
Dom and Georgia also say theyve found their perfect match but not before Chase comes for Georgia.
Its fine, though, because Georgia drags him for filth.
Her speech telling him off will go down in Netflix history right next toThe Irishman.
Joey and Kariselle reveal their engagement, and Chase clarifies that Kariselle is a 10/10 kisser.
Great, great, great, lets move on to voting.
The pacing of this part feels very rushed.
We also finally find out the grand prize: a weeklong, all-expenses-paid vacation anywhere in the world.
Okay, but whats the actual price limit?
I need to read the fine print.
And thats the show!
The only thing I care about now is what has happened since.
Im assuming theyve all since broken up, but Id like confirmation by way of a reunion episode.
Match Point
At one point, someone asks Nick if he had Abbey on his list.
Did contestants rank one another?
Did they hint to producers who they wanted to see in the house?
I need more intel immediately.
Ines interpreting railed like a whore as ho on the railroad wins the best language-barrier-mixup moment.
