Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
(you’ve got the option to read more about our methodology at the link above.)
Next up is Rob Haze.
I was walking through the hallway, and this guy tried to steal my hat.
I fought to keep my hat, and in the tussle my lip was busted.
Full disclosure: My lips were chapped that day.
I told the story at lunch, and I was standing up and everybody was sitting down laughing.
That was the first time I felt like a comedian.
What unscripted or reality series do you think youd excel at?
What archetype do you think youd be?I think I would be great atPawn Stars.
I am always looking up how much random things cost.
Also, I am a good judge of character.
I can spot a liar from a mile away.
Im not as good with telemarketers, but they are probably more than a mile away.
It is very personal and involves some topics I was scared to talk about for years.
I find that conquering that fear and being vulnerable is freeing.
I notice a lot of comics have an idea of what an audience wants.
I no longer care what they want.
I want to talk about what I want.
There are times when everyone is in agreement, and there are times when the room is divided.
I get to dictate that chemistry in real time.
Tell us everything about your worst show ever.
(This can involve venue, audience, other comedians on the lineup, anything!
)Unfortunately, this story is more recent than Id like.
I was hired to do a wedding anniversary party/retirement party.
Already that is a lot going on.
The party was very nice and elegant they even had chandeliers but the program took hours.
It started before the couple even got there.
People are dancing in the aisle as the couple commences.
I should have gone up then.
I wouldve been a riot.
I would still talk to that couple now had I performed in the first hour.
People drank and ate, then there were heartfelt speeches from friends and family.
Now, its getting tough.
The man of the hour grabs the mic, and hes like, Now lets party!
He begins to dance; the DJ plays music.
Come on, Mr. She refers to me as Mr.
I make fun of how absurd it is.
I talk about the weird intro, the prayer, the interpretive dance, when I should have performed.
Then I take a stab at tell a joke, and I feel a tap on my shoulder.
Nothing is discreet about walking up to a performer and tapping them on the shoulder.
So I was like, We all see you.
What do you have to say?
The DJ says that the couple would like me to wrap it up.
Of course, this gets the biggest laugh.
I give the mic back to the DJ and leave.
I dont even have a go at settle up with the lady.
Comedy Man has left the building.
Whats yours and why?I tried to have a catchphrase at my first paid show.
I was like, Let me start this catchphrase where I say, Yall know what Im sayin?
And then I say, Yall dont know what Im sayin!
It was a double catchphrase, and it was very dumb.
I would want it to be something that could have multiple meanings in multiple contexts.
Im different can be very cool or very self-deprecating, depending on how you say it.
Athletes, when bragging, say, Im built different.
But Id cry if someone commented on my gram, Youre built different.
So final answer: Im different.
I know so many comedians who are great.
I wish I could unknow some of my friends for the look.
I never met Imani Kent.
Shes got some great jokes.
I think shes got a unique perspective that I dont know if Ive seen before.
what hill will you die on?Crowdwork isnt for everyone.
When people are great at it, its amazing!
When people are bad at crowdwork, it sucks.
I feel the same about magicians, improvisers, and jugglers.
I dont want my audience thinking I need their help.
Social media shouldnt dictate comedy.
Part of the fun is people saying things that maybe they shouldnt.
It should feel like a secret.
I hate reporting on comedy.
One of the worst things is people trying to quote a live show.
I get distracted by music most times.
When I started, I was doing the Dougie onstage.
Now I dont acknowledge the music.
I guess I would want something instrumental.
Like Stress by Justice.
Ronnie Jordan told me to stay onstage, perform everywhere, host everything and it changed my life.
Worst advice I got was to work on the same five-minute set.
The arrogance to think your first good five is your best five is insane.
