Luann and Sonja: Welcome to Crappie Lake
Save this article to read it later.
Find this story in your accountsSaved for Latersection.
She doesnt even need to say anything to be hilarious.
No, its not one of those handy plastic clips to put over the doorknob like at most hotels.
Those are too fancy for Motel Benton.
She put that up in the first episode when Luann made too much noise early in the morning.
According to Sonja, they went all night, multiple times.
I got my pots clanged, she says.
Excuse me but is Luann the keeper of all the men in the Midwest?
Do you gotta clear your cock with her to verify she doesnt want a crack at it first?
Seriously, let Sonja have some small-town strange and be cool with it.
Um, that is not quite how I remember it.
Obviously, he was into it (consent is sexy, kids!
), but, yeah, he was not a-courting Sonja in the way that she is accustomed.
Theyre not going to call it a CRAW-pee hour.
That doesnt even make sense.
Luann says, He sounded hot.
She cantstandthat Sonja got her bell rung but that her Quasimodo has yet to be located.
Our girls need the help.
The reason this is a charity is because their mothers dying wish is to be on television.
Oh, yeah, this woman wants to get famous real bad.
Sonja jumps right in to say, No!
Thats because Sonja has raised money in New York City before.
Theres no sliding scale.
Its a little unclear what theyre raising money for, but we know what the charity is.
It is the Association of Moms Who Want to Be Housewives LTD, LLC, INC, LGBTQIA+.
Give them $100 million.
Here is where we officially get to the Sonja Morgan litany.
I mean, not even Dan Levy can write Moira Rose dialogue thats that good or that real.
Good dick only goes so far, Sonja says, citing what should be the new motto for Grindr.
Meanwhile, Luann gets to take an elevator up to hers.
Yes, its so high in the air that there is a fuckingliftfor this thing.
Thats all I get?
Anyway, this is shady.
Cant Sonja have anything?
Does Luann have to claim every single man?
Because Im like theGood Housekeepseal of approval.
I am the cock curator.
People know once Im with a man, theyre worth going after.
Just wait until Im done with them.
Billy and Jared are staring at them like theyre a bunch offemale office workers ready for a Diet Coke.
(OMG, remember commercials?
Do we even have those anymore?)
Ugh, remember COVID?
Remember not being able to get things?
Remember empty supermarket shelves?
Remember when you couldnt get aPelotonorfree weightsorsourdough starters?
RememberR numbersorOmicronorwhich vaccineyou got?
Yeah, Ive erased it all from my memory too.
Bury it in the mud and tamp it down, strangle it with the earth, save us all.
