Love Is Blind
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Theres a chill in the air.
The leaves are starting to turn.
The pumpkin-spice Munchkins are being blended into theIce Spice Munchkin drink.
Grab a fuzzy blanket and your gold goblets because THE PODS ARE OPEN!!
I mean, how many marketing professionals in a major metropolitan area can there possibly be?
ButLove Is Blindpromised us a first so bonkers that it would make it all worthwhile.
Let me be the first to say it: They fucking delivered.
The theme for this season is Love me for me.
And who are these Mes looking for love?
They revealed it to us in aThe Prestigelevel flashback and conflicting information from all parties involved.
We are so back, baby.
Lets get into it.
Izzy is spoiled for the choice between Lydia, Divorced Johnie, and Cool Girl Stacy.
He keeps repeating that hes looking for a woman who has mental stability and emotional intelligence.
He repeats it so much that I get suspicious.
Johnie is also drawn to Chris, who fosters dogs on the weekend.
Johnie mentions that shes a lawyer twice in as many minutes.
There is also Firefighter JP and Kindergarten Teacher Taylor, who exist in their own pocket universe.
We can never rule out folksy ghost.
They start calling each other Sugar and Sugar Butt by their second date, and thats it for them.
Lets all just move on.
And we need to move on to Uche.
Ooooh, Uche, Uche, Uche.
Hes a lawyer but also a businessman.
If an educational podcast could come to life, thats Uche.
Uche asks Aaliyah if shes ever cheated in a relationship, and she says once, two years ago.
Then Uche says, Oh, so youre a recent cheater.
Two years is recent?!?
Anything from before the Great Sickness doesnt count as recent.
Uche barks questions at Aaliyah about the circumstances of the cheating.
But it was just a kiss, and he was 18, so its okay.
Aaliyah breaks down and Lydia comforts her and tells her she sees so much of herself in Aaliyah.
And that, my friends, is foreshadowing.
Weve met all the major players.
Weve set the scene.
So now, lets follow the major dramas and see where all these doofs end up.
Johnie finally breaks up with Chris to pursue Izzy.
That is a lot of relationship lore.
I guess the fact that shes a human woman who has lived through a past era is the problem?
Dude, hes no longer on this mortal plane.
I think shes fine.
Chris and Izzy cross-reference Johnies story and realize shes telling them the same data but drawing different conclusions.
Meanwhile, Izzy and Stacy get engaged.
Now, its time for the main fucking event.
Uche told her that it would betray the experiment and thinks its better to just be friends.
Uche says they werent compatible.
Shes also worried about always looking over her shoulder for Lydia.
Aaliyah is hearing from Lydia about what your drink of choice is and what color your bedsheets are.
Aaliyah isgoing through it.They somehow get past it when Uche asks Aaliyah what kind of wedding ring she wants.
Lydia also has to tell Milton about dating Uche, and we get a third version of this story.
None of this adds up, and Milton summarizes it with This is just messy.
Truer words, Milton.
He says, Its that easy.
This is supposed to be way harder.
Do not curse yourself, sweet summer child.
Finally, its time for Uche to propose to Aaliyah.
Theyve worked through all of their (read: his) problems, and hes ready.
He heads to their pod and is met with silence.
A producer speaks from behind the camera: Aaliyah has decided not to continue with the experiment.
Reader, I screamed again!
I think she raises snails for Korean beauty products.
A man we never see again says his God-given talent is cunnilingus.
Get cameras to follow his postLove Is BlindRaya swipes.
JP is SO SWEATY during his reveal with Taylor.
One of the questions Aaliyah wants answered in the pods is if the guys have any weird fetishes.
Is she going to have to be sucking toes every day?
She also wants to know if softer moans turn Enoch on.
We never hear his answer.
He is a mystery to us.
Not all poems have to rhyme, America.
