Song Roulette
A Vulture series in which artists share the stories and strategy behind their lead singles.
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For the first time in Keshas career, the only person shes answering to is her own damn self.
Im so happy people have stuck around for the whole messy ride.
(The song was unveiled to the public, fittingly, on Independence Day.)
It feels good to be exactly who I am and not ask anybody elses permission, she says.
Im a free motherfucking woman.
TikTok,Animal(2009)
.The Song
.
After I wrote them, I was like,This is too dumb, right?
Just dont overthink it.Thats what we ended up with.
Tik Tok was my youth.
I was a baby as an artist.
It was my coming-out-of-the-womb song.
Ive had that question asked to me like fifty thousand times at this point.
.The Bet
I had no autonomy whatsoever.
I feel like thats the place I get to be myself.
.The Payoff
I had no idea that it would explode into what it exploded into.
It felt very surreal and overwhelming in the best of ways.
You just keep up and give a shot to enjoy the ride.
I didnt ever intend on becoming a pop star.
I never, still to this day, think of myself as a pop girl.
So it took me by surprise with what the world did with Tik Tok.
It took me all over.
It was the first thing that led me into the life I now get the privilege of living.
I always take a stab at capture that when performing Tik Tok and Die Young.
But this song sits with me in a more complicated way.
Although its one of my biggest hits, it brought up mixed reactions even before it was released.
When I was writing and recording it, the title didnt sit right with me.
I originally wanted to call it Beating My Drum.
Unfortunately, I didnt have control.
My instinct proved correct later.
I love how much joy it brings to other people.
I really pride myself in integrity and creating joyous safe spaces.
At this point in my career, there was not a collaborative process for choosing singles.
Its a really complicated thing, because I love my songs.
My songs are my children.
Putting out singles or making pop recordsshouldbe fun.
The sick, twisted irony of it being so unpleasant is deranged and unnecessary.
I dont want to kill anybodys buzz with a song that they love.
But there was all this other shit going on.
Im always happy when I provide joy to other people.
I think its a really important and overlooked emotion.
I couldnt tell you where it fellon the charts.
But it had also been very public.
I write songs and they lead me to my truth.
Thats where Praying was born from.
Ryan Lewis is an incredible producer and has become such a good friend.
He helped me find my voice in a way that Id never found before literally.
Writing it was cathartic.
I tried to alchemize what I was going through into something beautiful.
Praying led me to a deeper version and deeper understanding of myself.
I was definitely influenced by gospel music.
It almost felt like a beg to God when we were writing it.
But I mostly wanted people to hear me.
Before this song, there was a lot of Auto-Tune.
Which, yes, was fun to do.
I felt like Praying was an accurate representation of what I wanted to show about myself.
I didnt make that album for chart success, I made it because I had to.
I ended up singing at the Grammys and it was the first time I was ever nominated.
I credit Praying for those experiences.
It helped me step into my strength, my power, and my vulnerability all at once.
Working with Big Freedia, were both really good at getting people to move their bodies.
I grew up going to church and studying different religions, so Ive always been spiritually inclined.
This was really a reclaiming of my joy.
People were really happy to see me be happy again.
My fans appreciated that.
EattheAcid,GagOrder(2023)
Rick Rubin is an angel sent from God.
The whole experience felt like an acid trip, and Ive never done acid.
Then in my personal life, were going on year seven and eight of my own litigation.
Thats where I was emotionally.
I was testing my limits of what a human has the capacity to deal with.
Im well aware of how insane that sounds.
I was so afraid to be honest about that to anyone, let alone tell theworldthis.
It felt like I had discovered the next dimension.
My mom told me to never take acid because she saw everything.
The night I had my spiritual experience, I felt like I met God and saw everything.
Once you see something, you cant unsee it.
So it forces you into a reincarnation of yourself and your perspective, and thats uncomfortable.
That growth can be really terrifying to see the world in a different way.
So as the world was going through that with the pandemic, I was going through that internally.
Sometimes when you listen to a song too many times, you get sick of it.
This is a song I never got sick of.
My fans always go on the ride with me and thats why I fucking love myanimals.
They never know what theyre going to get and theyre always here for it.
I believe that when creating art, Im not a product.
They knew what I was going through.
It wasnt an easy time for very many of us.
I wanted to make that feeling eternal.
So I will be, and no one can give me shit.
I recently found out that my name means innocent joy.
I really wanted to remind myself who the fuck I am and release this song.
But this is the first single Im putting out 100 percent as myself.
So the fact that people are responding well to this song is so fucking healing.
