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Its Oscar weekend!you could find my final predictions in all 23 categories here.
There will be jokes aboutBarbiegetting snubbed,OppenheimerandKillers of the Flower Moonbeing long, and Bradley Cooper overcommitting forMaestro.
The slaughter is omnipresent on the soundtrack, but the Hosses never seem to hear it.
There is no limit to the evil that humans can ignore.
So it’s possible for you to imagine why this film might be hard to yuk about.
Jay suggested that the safest method might be the meta approach.
Indeed, thats the strategy earlier Oscar hosts have used when there was a Holocaust movie in the running.
Opening the 1994 ceremony, Whoopi Goldberg began by referencing the man whod emceed the previous four telecasts.
Billy Crystal used to have a terrific way of hosting the show.
Hed come out and do a bunch of cute, funny songs about the nominated movies.
He gotThe Crying Game; I gotSchindlers List,she said, grimacing.
Billy knew when to leave.
Todays audience might blanch at the implication thatThe Crying Gamewas comic gold, but Whoopis instincts were correct.
Her follow-up This year, we discover if Oscars last name really is Schindler elicited only polite chuckles.
I know I need to seeThe Reader, he sangwhile doing an avante-garde version of the Robot.
Of course, thats not to say its impossible to write a gag about a Holocaust picture.
How about Maximilian Schell getting nominated forJudgment at Nuremberg?Hope asked.
Wonderful performance, sort of a Swiss Perry Mason.
And, sometimes, theres a more obvious punch line, anyway.
But not this week!
Unfortunately, at the end of this quest I must face my longtime bete noire the three Short categories.
My only face-plant was in2022, when I blanked completely.
Distraught, Oyelowos wife takes a tumble over the railing, too.
This happens three minutes into the movie!
Even worse, the qualities I most despise in the Oscar shorts are the ones voters seem to treasure.
My hatred has left me blind.
So this year, Im switching it up.
Is it emotionally manipulative?
Does it have a twist?
Thus, here are my picks.
Animated Short:War Is Over!
Inspired by the Music of John and Yoko,which theNext Best Picturepodcastdescribed as Pixars1917.
The saddest words in the English language are: Maybe this time things will be different.
But maybe this time thingswillbe different!
Here are the meanest lines from this years editions:
11.
The ABCs of Book Banning the point is great, but come on, its a glorified slideshow.
(THR)
10.
(Entertainment Weekly)
9.
Carey Mulligan was great [inMaestro], but Felicia was more glamorous than her.
(Indiewire)
8.
I didnt care forThe Zone of Interest.
(Entertainment Weekly)
7.
Cillian Murphy was almost Asperger inOppenheimer, which he probably was.
(Indiewire)
6.
When you listen to the Jon Batiste song outside of [American Symphony], its a horrible song.
(Indiewire)
5.
I didnt likeMay December.
I got distracted when looking at the house.
How can somebody who bakes occasionally and a guy whos an X-ray technician afford this house?
(Indiewire)
4.
I dont get Lily Gladstone.
I dont think she brought complexity to it.
(Indiewire)
3.
I did not bother to seeMaestro.
(Next Best Picture)
2.
(Entertainment Weekly)
1.
I dont think Leonard Bernstein had blue eyes.
I think he famously did not.
That was such an actors vanity show.
(Entertainment Weekly)
Links!
There are just over 48 hours to go before the Oscars.
Behind Neons big bet on international cinema.
Diane Warrens Oscar-losing songs, ranked.
Anatomy of a Falls ending, explained (usingThe Sims 4).
