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Survivorloves a kooky lady.
From there, she was never, even for a moment, not herself.
It was the kind of raw, unfiltered personality one rarely sees on reality TV anymore.
Did anyone expect a smiley bear, a nerdy twink, and a kooky lady to whoop their asses?
Ultimately, it seemed like Wigers unfiltered personality was her biggest boonandher downfall.
Im so grateful to have been given the platform ofSurvivor, Wiger tells Vulture in a recent interview.
I didnt go on the show to quit my job.
I just thought Id be the New Era Debbie.
At that time, I was in elementary school.
As I grew up, I fell out of watching the show.
But Id go home and catch up with my family.
I lovedSurvivor: Philippines.There was so much heart.
Then39happened, and Im like, Who are these monsters?
Thats when I applied.
I dont watch this show like its football.
I watch it for the human moments.
Casting asked me, Who are you gonna play like?
Im like, Kelley Wentworth?
I couldnt relate to anyone.
I said I wanted to go out there and above all else be human.
I was gonna share myself.
There was not a time out there when I thought,Should I not say this?
Whats it gonna look like?I didnt give a shit.
I did not perform, my voice didnt change.
I pretended the cameras werent there.
kindly, call me girl.I needed to do this.
As a mom, we dont take those opportunities.
You get so used to the routine.
Before I went out there, my son went, Dont be too silly!
I was like, No.
We can be ourselves and be respected!
Well, I wasnt respected, but I can play this game as myself.
I wanted the full freaking experience.
I wanted more off days!
I wanted to explore.
I was asking, Can I go climb that mountain if its a mountain?
But then you get so tired.
There were so many people just sitting back at camp.
I get it, youve gotta play the game, but no.
I was climbing those rocks, which was really stupid.
After Matthew?Yeah, we did that right after him.
And I did slide down it, and I didnt break anything but I was all scraped.
I touched every leaf.
I was always that person 20 feet behind everyone else, looking backward.
People were like, Carolyn, hurry up!
And I was soaking it in.
I was so grateful to be there.
But you didnt feel respected on the island.Oh hell no.
Did you know that while you were out there?
Or did you learn from TV?I knew it when I was there Im not that dumb!
You feel that shit.
I felt it right away.
It was not like,Oh, I think theyre all my friends.
I cried my eyes out.
Even meeting my tribe for the first time.
When I can actually have a one-on-one with somebody, they get to know me and they like me.
That didnt happen out there.
Obviously it happened with Carson and Frannie and Yam.
I connected with Yam Yam day one.
We were opening up about everything.
But the others were like, Yep, shes crazy.
I heard you say youre surprised.
Because I keep sucking at challenges?
They did not respect me simply because Im loud, crazy, and I wasnt good at challenges.
That followed throughout the game, and it started to get to me.
I entered so strong, confident, and fucking proud of myself.
It didnt feel good.
Yam and I always gave each other shit.
But to the other ones, it was like I was nothing.
I let them get in my head.
I cried my eyes out after the Sanctuary.
Id watched these rewards where theyre all stuffing their faces and its all so beautiful.
Id dreamed of this.
And then Im with these two who completely disregard me.
Youre not even good at the game if youre acting like I dont exist.
I was crying with them at the Sanctuary, and they didnt notice because they didnt notice me.
Then I cried my eyes out watching it.
I wish I wouldve been even more ridiculous and called them out even more.
I was proud of myself for saying something.
Hours and hours and I couldnt handle it.
And getting no votes I believed in myself.
I thought I was great.
Not getting any votes was like, Oh, okay.
They think Im some crazy goat.
Watching it back, you dont know whats going to be shown.
But dang, I did a good job.
You opened the season!Yes!
The only one I havent watched again was the finale because its still hard.
I saw Carson say on TikTok that he regrets not voting for you.
Did that mean something to you?[Whispers.]
Yam got so pissed.
I dont want to say …
Does he regret not?
Yeah, I think he actually does.
Does that feel good?Yeah.
I think I at least deserved a fricking vote!
And I said that to Frannie.
Carson explained it all to me, and Im like, Carson, its fine.
But yes, I do think somebody should have given me at least one.
Or actually two, and then give Heidi none.
I thought Frannie would vote for me.
I thought Carson would.
Before the final-four Tribal, Carson was cryingpracticing making firein the bushes.
I was a nut that day.
Yam and I are coming at each other and fighting, and Carson said, My flint broke.
Can I borrow yours?
I was so paranoid at that point, I thought he was lying to me.
I was like, No, Im not giving it to you.
I thought the whole thing was a lie.
So I went over to him.
He was coaching me.
I felt so defeated by the end.
When I did myOn Fireepisodewith Jeff Probst, I was bawling.
And he said, Carolyn, you did a great job.
I was like, No, Jeff, Im proud of myself.
But that shit hurt.
Watching it back, I was way too hard on myself out there.
Yam was like, Carolyn, I thought you would win.
I thought you did a good job.
Ive learned Im stronger than I thought.
It reaffirmed the fact that I dont give a fuck.
TheSurvivorpeople give a lot of support with mental health.
I was able to fully process things after the show and reflect on it.
Even my casting person did a lot of prep work with me.
People are going to say mean things, Carolyn.
Im like, Girl, I know.
Throughout the season, I never searched my name.
I know what a lot of people think of me.
You either like me or youre like,Shes on drugs.Do I care what people think?
Yes, to an extent, but not enough to change what Im doing.
I wore it to Tribal in my hair.
It made me happy.
Did I let those assholes get in my head?
Yes, I did.
But Im proud of myself regardless.
The tension between being yourself all the time and strategizing onSurvivorseems difficult.
How did you contend with that?I get it blurred.
Being myself ended up making me feel like crap sometimes.
With the Bye, Felicia fight, I had it all planned with Yam Yam.
Wed be like, Were going to fake fight.
But my emotions would start to get to me, and then I couldnt fake fight anymore.
I would be pissed at him!
I just couldnt separate it.
Game-wise, Yam Yam and Carson hurt me by voting for Frannie.
Thats the game, but they left me out and it hurt.
I needed to process that so I could separate it.
Yam Yam was the only fricking person who understood me.
He understood I wasnt playing it up.
And then Im like, What the fuck, Carolyn?
You want them to think that youre not.
I would get it confused.
Its hard, especially on TV.
People are going to be watching and judging.
Even the people out there are!
It didnt happen like that.
Be obsessed with yourself a little!I did not think I would get this response from people.
This person wanted to end their life and watching me was so inspiring.
I cant ignore the impact that I had on other people.
After the season, I was getting so many fricking Cameo requests.
And I still do.
I have never gone a day where I dont get at least three.
I ended up quitting my job and I am doing one-on-one Zoom calls with people.
Im a licensed drug counselor.
I get a lot of people who come to me about addiction and we work through that.
I do life coaching and people come to me about authenticity.
My whole life changed because of this, and now I get to do whatever I want.
I never expected this in a million years.
Everyone who meets with me says, I am meeting with you because you put yourself out there.
Youre not some perfect person I cant relate to.
