Bachelor In Paradise
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OnThe Bachelorproper, I hate not ending on a rose ceremony.
Its such a natural end point for an episode!
It wraps up story lines and resets for the next week.
Sean and Aaron S. have already done this mathmand are stressing about their odds.
That would be an absurd thing to do.
These shows are auditions for a career in influencing or something that is supplemented by influencing.
(Real estate is an easy one, and Seans got a background in sales.)
Because he doesnt want to lose this job, Sean prays to the Paradise gods for a lifeline.
Do I just think all Canadians look the same or could this girl beJimbossister?
Rachel is standing with her leg at a 45-degree angle like Angelina Jolie in that Oscars dress.
This is why you shouldnt have come to paradise, Rachel!
I cant say that Ill miss any of them.
I like Will, but his moping was getting old.
The next day, we learn that its Kats birthday.
Obviously shes going to be supernormal about it!
She tells us that what she wants for her birthday is an open-mouth make-out sesh with Tanner.
But when a date card arrives … its for Rachel.
Stop acting like this is such a big deal!
Mercedes says, deadpan, Thats so funny like shes Mandy Moore onScrubs.
(Thats a reference for people in their 30s.)
They give up on finger-painting immediately and just start pouring loose paint on each others bodies.
Rachel says its the most romantic date shes ever had, and honestly?
They seem to really like each other.
Hey, theres a lid for every pot.
I have a hunch that its not gonna work out for them, though.
Back at the beach everyones doing shots for Kats birthday.
Happy birthday to Kat!
Davia immediately pulls Tanner aside, and he notices that she has one blue eye and one green eye.
Pay attention and you might just hear him mention it again this episode!
Tanner says yes, then remembers that he should talk to Kat about it first.
This, obviously, doesnt go well.
I appreciate someone pushing back on the unspoken rules of paradise that I talked about last week.
Without talking to anyone else?
Again, the unspoken rules are so silly.
Oh, fuck off.
Its fine to take someone elses connection inParadise, thats why were all here.
Thats not how this works!
Its especially galling considering Davia comes and interrupts Kats chat with Tanner to take him away on their date.
Thats rude, even within the weird byzantine rules of this show!
Just admit you dont care!
Steal Your Man, whatever, thats the game.
Look, I never want to hang out with Kat, but she makes great TV.
At one point, she says, Im good and then immediately bursts into tears.
No heartbreak is worth wasting a perfectly good cake over.
Tanner tells us, I think she has a blue eye and a green eye.
Buddy, if this girl ever goes missing, were checking your basement for eyeballs.
This man has such a hard-on for heterochromia!
If it doesnt work out with Davia, Tanner candate a huskynext.
Shes handling it about as well as he did.
(Read: badly.)
She is more than capable of embarrassing herself, you dont need to do it for her!
One telling moment came when Aaron asked Jess if Blake is still her No.
1, and she paused longer than Beyonce doing Energy in Atlanta.
Now things are starting to shake up!
Blake confronts Jess about what happened there, and she doesnt have a good answer for him.
Its a fascinating conundrum, and Im glad to see it playing out on the show!
I just wish they could talk about it more openly.
But that would betray the journey.
Guess well have to settle for vague, veiled Instagram Stories!
